I Do, But I Don't

I Do, But I Don't

Friday, December 19, 2014

Free My Mind Friday Before Christmas

I've been pretty open about my bouts with depression as well as my physical health and I've been asked recently why I am so candid.  The person asking had a sneer on his face, as though I were passing gas rather than sharing intimate details of my time on this big blue ball.  He was actually offended that I would do so.  He clearly had a higher view of me than I have of myself because he felt it necessary to recite my resume' to me in a chastising and condescending tone as if I were giving away state's secrets.  My response to him was simple, to the point:  "Look, I don't give a damn what you think is appropriate or what isn't appropriate.  For me, it frees my mind in the hopes that maybe someone else can kick depression's ass by knowing they're not alone.  It's easier to let this stuff out of my head than it is to keep it bottled up for days like this when douchebags question me and I get the urge to rip their f*cking heads off."

He shut the hell up about it.

Some coping tools are probably not so healthy, but writing about the crap I've gone through isn't going to hurt anyone - unless I actually DO start revealing secrets.  But that's just not going to happen because it serves no purpose to hurt others intentionally.  For this little gray duck, it's all about trying to get healthy and helping other folks get healthy for as long as I can.  No one knows how much time we have left with one another here on earth, so it's best spent sharing the truth and maybe extending some love to one another.  Is that too much to ask?

This week has been a strange one.  The fact that we're actually seeing discussions about fracking near Lake Hefner - a major water source for the citizens of Oklahoma City, blows my mind.  I know that Oklahoma is all about the oil and gas industry and we're willing to drop trousers and bend over for any one of those energy companies, but seriously?  To me, it shows the absolute arrogance of the industry and the lack of spinal fortitude our elected officials have where they are concerned.  It proves that in the state of Oklahoma, every single elected official is bought and paid for by someone.  This is emblematic of the week, in my opinion.

Yes, Christmas is right around the corner and I confess, it's been a long time since I've had a holiday season that hasn't made me want to do bad things to people.  This year, however, it's been much nicer, much more palatable.  There is hope, there is joy and perhaps the meaning of the season itself is being made manifest in my life.  The concept of grace, mercy, the deliverance from the darkness of the human pathos - that's what Christmas is about.  Through the birth and sacrifice of One, the whole may be saved.

That's just my opinion, and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla