I Do, But I Don't

I Do, But I Don't

Friday, July 03, 2015

Independence Day Weekend Shenanigans

I can remember a time when we took the kids camping or out to do some outdoor activity during Independence Day Weekend.  In the beginning, it was a great release, a respite from our madness to just soak up the outdoors and celebrate our independence, well, independently.  Things began to change, however.  More and more people came out to the lakes, an increasing number of partiers began to litter the state parks.  I can recall one time when I almost got into a physical altercation with some mouth-breathing, Natural Lite-drinking, wife beater shirt-wearing, troglodyte who was certain that everyone in the state park wanted to hear his obnoxiously loud rap music from his boat's sound system. I asked him nicely to turn it down just a bit to which he responded with some slurred gibberish followed by him spitting on the ground dangerously close to me.

He turned down the volume.

That was really the end of it though.  It had become too much of a hassle dealing with all the drunk buffoons and their angry little offspring during the holiday weekends.  Camping was fine, but not during the holidays.  Law enforcement has their hands full on the holidays at the lakes, and I don't envy them one damned bit.

There are, of course, the city-sponsored shindigs wherein you pay for parking, you fight the hipsters and the soccer moms to get comfortable, and of course, it's mandatory that you hear all about their friend who just had breast implants and Botox, and how they too are considering the procedures.  God, help us.

Now, Independence Day has become more contemplative for me.  My band, Signal 8, is playing a private gig this weekend and that will be fun.  But it is an intimate affair and already I'm anxious about the traffic that will no doubt end up being problematic.  Even with all of the idiots out there, I love Independence Day.  It is when we celebrate our break from tyranny, and the birth of something completely different.

I suppose that freedom means that the goofballs mentioned previously have a right to be goofballs.  It's part of this experiment in self-government we find ourselves creating.  They probably shouldn't get on my nerves as they do, and it's something I need to work through - I'll get to that AFTER the holiday weekend.

From me to you, have a safe and sane Independence Day.  Party your all-American asses off, but do NOT drink and drive.

Gorilla

Thursday, July 02, 2015

They Got It All Wrong

I found myself deep in thought today, thinking about some of the things my parents taught me, some of the things our communities preach to us and swear are true, and even some of the things my pastor from junior high school taught me.  To a person, they all got something wrong along the way.  I thought that I would share these with you and perhaps you would agree with me.

First, there is a very popular restaurant in the central area of Oklahoma City that is the "hip and happening" place for all of the go-getters to be seen.  The place gets marvelous reviews as some of the best Mexican food around.  Well, they lied.  The food is an odd combination of Mexican cuisine and hipster sauces made from stuff none of us have heard of before.  The presentation of the meals is good, is suppose, if you don't mind eating something that looked like Picasso puked on your plate.   The colors are pretty, I suppose.  And it's expensive too.

Second, I remember my pastor when I was a kid who used to preach the virtues of marriage, extolling the great many benefits of a monogamous relationship and how God really digs it when we stay married for a very, very long time to someone we have grown to not like being around.  He would talk about how important the sanctity of marriage was and how divorce was of the devil.  He didn't really feel that way after diddling the church secretary though.  Maybe God changed his mind?  Well, he got it all wrong.  Marriage is a tough racket and for those reading this who have stuck it out decade after decade, I tip my hat to you.

Third, my parents always told me that country music was the best to listen to.  That was just wrong of them to do.  There is so much more music out there than just country music - which has its virtues, but to compare Don Giovanni with Red Solo Cup is a bit of a stretch.  I don't think it was very nice of them to do that to me.  They were SO wrong.

Fourth, I remember Pat Robertson saying that God would destroy Orlando because of the gay pride day at Disney World.  He got that all wrong, didn't he?  Then there was the whole Oral Roberts extortion gig of $5 million or something.  He too was wrong.  I've come to the conclusion that televangelists are a bad idea as a general rule.

Fifth, at my last birthday, I turned 50.  My friends told me that it would only get easier from there.  They were totally wrong.  It hasn't been easier, it has been a larger pain in the ass than I imagined.  Getting old sucks.  I am a 30 year-old trapped in a 50 year-old body and there is nothing whatsoever I can do about it.

Lastly, people who are on a sugar-free diet told me that sugar-free ice cream tastes like the real thing.  They lied.  It doesn't.  And the sweeteners used in it have the same effect on the digestive system as Liquid Plummer.  But then again, it's better than not having sweets.  I just eat it on the commode to save myself the trip.

Well, there you have it.  Your Thursday thoughts.  Hope you've been entertained.

Gorilla