I Do, But I Don't

I Do, But I Don't

Thursday, April 02, 2015

Throwback Thursday Thoughts

Throwback Thursday.  In social media, it is an opportunity to go back in time and show how silly or serious we were "back in the day," most likely giving all of our friends a reason to chuckle a bit.  When you think of happy memories, what do you think of?  Is there a place, a person, a time that overwhelms you, places you into a whole new state of mind?  There are lots of those for me, which is why I enjoy Throwback Thursday.  Since this is my blog, I'm going to share with you some of the things that come to mind for me when I look back (in no specific order)...
  • Riding my green bicycle without training wheels.  Not really sure why that comes to mind, but I remember it as though it were yesterday.  I don't even recall how old I was at that time, maybe 4 or 5?  I felt so happy, so full of life.
  • The Sonics winning the championship.  It was a wild time in Seattle.  I was just a kid but I loved that team- Freddie Brown, Slick Watts and crew were intense to watch and the whole city seemed to come alive and embraced the team and embraced each other.
  • My mother's death.  It was a horribly s
    ad time for a 14 year-old, but I made it through somehow without going on a killing spree.  In a way it was acceptable because she had been in such horrible pain for so long.  I remember sitting there in the room with her as she prepared to go to the heavenlies.  She was completely out of it and it's a visage that is etched on my mind that will never leave.   For good, or bad, it's there.
  • Birth of my kids.  Matt, Heather, Mason, and Maddie are all incredible kids in spite of my terrible attempts at fatherhood.  I couldn't be more proud of them.  I love and miss them all on a daily basis.  
  • My first concert.  I went to see KISS when I was 12 and I went by myself.  A young lady who was to accompany me that evening chose not to so I ended up at what is now Key Arena (I think) all by myself.  It was an amazing concert but as I look back, I realize just how campy they were back then.
  • Naval service.  Joining the Navy was a goal of mine from a very young age and I fulfilled that dream, accomplished that goal.  I miss it very much and wish I would've stayed in for the full 30 instead of just 8 years.  I got to see Hawaii, Kenya, Australia, Singapore, and even the Philippines.  It was an honor to take that oath, one of the proudest moments of my life, and one of the saddest when I went to the civilian world.  
  • All of my failed marriages.  I am the quintessence of the term "lousy husband," so much so that I'm even in the process of writing a book called, "I Do, But I Don't, And Didn't."  It's a comical look and the confessions of a lousy husband.  I'll let y'all know when it's ready.
  • Pain and worry-free days.  There were times in
    my younger years when I didn't worry so much about things, but rather took them in stride.  I haven't felt that way in decades.  I have lived with pain pretty much every day for the last three or four years.  It's there, never leaving, merely hiding for a few brief moments, only to return with vengeance and karmic retribution for the galaxy of bad stuff I've done in my life.  And I deserve every damned bit of it.
  • Talk radio days.  It was an unbelievable experience and I think it made me a better person.  I got to see the seething, rotting underbelly of politics and the always profit-driven venue that is the radio industry.  I met a lot of wonderful people, and I got to work with some Oklahoma radio legends.  It was a blessing to be a part of it in Oklahoma. 
There's a lot more to the list, but I figure I've bored you long enough with my inane ramblings about my past. I guess I share them openly because I have so many unresolved issues in my mind and in my heart - a need to get them out and maybe, just maybe, y'all are feeling the same way sometimes.  I tell you, there's nothing like battling a bout of depression or anxiety when you think you're all alone.  It's bloody dangerous.

You're not alone.  Ever.

Thanks for indulging my blabbing today.  I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read this blog.

Gorilla

 








And I leave you with this...