Saturday Surprises

This has been a fascinating week.  I was able to get quite a bit accomplished in spite of how some of the new meds I'm on just suck much of the life plum out of me.  Of course, there's always the trusty coffee to offset it.  I love my coffee...but I digress.  I thought I'd share some of the silliness that happened to me this week with you! 

Neighbors
I have some interesting neighbors.  I ran into one of them on the way to taking the trash out to the dumpster and he noticed that I was wearing my Black Label Society beanie and apparently, he is a big fan as well.  Very nice gentleman and from the looks of the guy, life has been rough.  Probably in his late thirties or early forties, he has a tired look behind his eyes.  I understand that gaze, I've been guilty of it myself.  We chatted for a few minutes about some of the concerts coming to town and apparently, we have a lot in common.  At least where music tastes are concerned.  Maybe next time I run into the guy, we'll talk some football.  In the meantime, we hide in our own little worlds, pretending all is well.

I have another set of neighbors and for the life of me, I just can't even begin to estimate how many people actually live there.  I know there is a toddler because I can hear the little bugger screaming her head off as soon as she wakes up.  Which is sometime around 3am.  Bless her little pea-picking heart.  Her mom lives there as well, and maybe the father as well.  I know this because starting at around 11pm, they all hang outside talking and smoking cigarettes.  It's special to hear them jibber jabbering into the night.  Their conversations, however, aren't exactly intellectually stimulating.  Unless you're a 15 year old girl.  Boyfriend this, girlfriend that.  It's hard to keep up because only around 2/3 of the time, they are loud enough for the everyone around to hear.  But I'm sure they're nice.

Diagnosis
I always thought that when receiving a diagnosis from a doctor, they typically called on the phone and explained stuff to you.  Or at least there used to be nurses available to explain those massive words that sound like one giant vowel movement.  I looked it up, had a friend with a background in medical terminology research it, and then finally, I kinda sorta understood.  Yeah.  And it is just one more damned thing.  I do have to admit that I have been thankful for receiving care at the VA.  While the VA doesn't have the greatest reputation in the world, but I'll say that a few of my docs are absolutely amazing. 

Writing

I had always wanted to write some short stories, a couple books and sure enough, I've done it.  I wrote a series of books that are rather dark, but are a fun read.  The Absolution for the Average Joe series follows a man named Samuel whose life is turned upside down by a chance meeting at a convenience store.  The series of events that follow end up consuming Samuel, and he loves every second of it.  It was a blast to write and I look forward to writing a few more.

I'm also doing some freelance ghostwriting and that has been an interesting endeavor.  I've written on topics ranging from advanced survival techniques to mason jar gifts to Tantric sex.  Doesn't really pay a lot, but it sure as hell has been therapeutic.  When I write, I can just kind of get lost in the topic, learn different angles and perspectives.  Admittedly, I'm a marginally talented writer who tries to find humor in just about everything, but, it's better than some of the crap I've seen out there in newspapers, magazines and even on various blogs.  I love it.

This next week will be as exciting as this past one was, I pray. 

Gorilla

Seriously, Mr. President?

Over the last few years since President Obama was elected, I've tried my level best to be fair.  I've not disparaged his name, have been respectful to the office of President because that's what veterans do.  We understand chain of command and the office of President is at the top of the food chain.  Yet, some of the President's most recent comments about Islamic terrorism is so ridiculous as to cause the listener to lose IQ points just by listening.  It's time to stop and speak up.

First, ISIS is a radical Muslim group of dirtbags who are terrorists.  Period.  They aren't just misunderstood schoolchildren whose Mommy didn't pay enough attention to.  They are fear-mongering bottom feeders who need to be exterminated with prejudice.  The President needs to get that and he needs to understand that the American people are pissed off and nervous about those bastards.

Second, the Crusades were, admittedly pretty darned bad.  However, remember that the first crusade was designed to do what?  To remove Islamic terrorists from Jerusalem and recover it for the Jewish inhabitants.  Read some history, Mr. President.  The rest of the crusades were too much and unnecessary.  In no way, however, is it to be used to justify what radical Islam is doing to people all over the globe.  Enough is enough, Mr. President.

Third, it is true that the President has mentioned "push-back" against terrorists.  Personally, I don't think that the language is strong enough.

It's easy to forget what happened when those planes crashed into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and that Pennsylvania field.  It's not in our faces every day, it's not something that comes to mind while we're at the grocery store or at Best Buy snagging that wide screen television to get ready for baseball season.  Americans died a needless death that day and it was at the hands of radical Muslims.  And when we bagged Osama, that was just the tip of the iceberg.  There are hundreds more of these parasites out there right now.

The conventional wisdom is that since there were the horrid crimes of the crusades, the crimes of radical Islam are excused.  When most Christians hear the argument about the crusades, immediately heads are bowed in shame.  That's not the same when radical Islam murders the innocent - it's almost as though it's a point of pride.  It's as though they feel it is just recompense. 

Look, I don't care if the President is Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, or a Scientologist.  Religion and politics is a point of douchebaggery anyway. The so-called Christian elected officials are pushing their agenda to create a different, discriminatory set of rules to label the LGBT community as "unclean!"  Both extremes are ludicrous and people suffer as a result. 

It's time to stop the madness, but it's doubtful that it will stop anytime soon.

Of course, that's just my opinion and I could be wrong...but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Interesting Stuff Under the Methane Gas Filled Dome

There can be no question that I am, at best, cynical where legislation in the state of Oklahoma is concerned.  From the asinine "cock boxing" bill (remember that one?), to the latest round of unconstitutional tripe that Sally Kern tried to push down our throats, it's a big exercise in legislative masturbation - it may feel good, but it just doesn't provide any results.  My cynicism is often well-placed and damned well deserved, but every now and again, there are bills that pique my interest and what's even more fascinating is that these morsels of good legislation actually have push back from the status quo.

State Senator Kyle Loveless and I have worked together on a few projects in the past and I've always really considered him to be a straight shooter.  He doesn't have an agenda, but rather just wants to do the right thing.  He's penned three bills that I think you should consider and contact your state legislator and get him/her off their asses to support these bills.

SB 264-  If a vet is not happy with a VA home they are in, they will get a debit card that their funds that the state would give them go to a private long term housing - retirement home. 
Someone please explain to me why in the hell this would be considered a bad bill.  It isn't - it finally puts some power back into the hands of our veterans and takes it away from the governmental slum lords that have been these VA homes in the past. 

SB 588- Basically the oversight board over the ODVA is the Veterans War Commission- an unelected body that is responsible for the health and care of  vets that we are duty bound to take care of in our VA homes.   The goal is to streamline those responsible make the War Commission an advisory board only and give the ability to hire and fire and oversee the VA homes - to the governors sec of veterans affairs.
There is push back on this one and you can see why.  Whenever there is a bill that takes power from the people who have been screwing up for decades and provide real, tangible oversight, the old guard gets pissed off and has a hissy fit.  The reality is that this type of bill SHOULD be passed and it should become the law of the land.  There's definite blowback on this one, but if our veterans were being taken care of properly, a bill like this wouldn't be necessary, now would it?

SB 422- On the federal, level government contracts are required to maintain a percentage to qualified veteran-owned businesses.  This bill creates a state government contract preference for veteran owned businesses.
Wow.  Just, wow.  What in the hell is wrong with that?  I could see the Libertarians pissing themselves over the fact that anyone would get preferential treatment of any kind, but if they pulled their noses out of Ayn Rand's ass long enough to see the reality of what we're dealing with here, they would just shut up and deal with it.  I hate to say it, but the truth of the matter is that there are point preferences for government jobs as it is now - like when you take the postal exam, if you're a veteran, you receive additional points.  As Ronald Reagan said, "Sometimes, it's just the right thing to do."  This bill is the right thing to do.

I make no pretense that I'm a veteran who has been, and still is, under the care of the VAMC.  Sometimes the experiences are marvelous, sometimes they are like a trip through Dante's Inferno.  The increase of veterans who are eligible for VA care now has not been funded - just more patients for an already overburdened health care staff. 

Whomever is responsible for holding up these bills should be ashamed of themselves.  Finally, we see a breakthrough for veteran's care, but some asshat is holding it up because change is scary to him/her.  Sometimes, change is bloody necessary to get the job done.

Get involved and click here to reach your legislator.

Hat-tip to Senator Loveless.  It's good to see that at least one State Senator has entered the methane gas filled dome with his balls intact. 

Gorilla

Sunday Night Lights

Well, my Seahawks blew it at the end of the game by calling a pass rather than giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch to run it up the middle for the game-winning score.  Wilson was intercepted and, as you all know by now, the Patriots are now Super Bowl Champions or the fourth time.  Now all the jokes will be coming about, calling the Seahawks "one hit wonders" - the problem with that analogy is that the reality of the situation is that they played a good game and will be back.  Congrats to the New England Patriots and their fan base because they deserve the win.

Revelation:  Had a bit of a revelation this weekend and it startled quite a few people apparently.  I wrote a blog about a suicide by going through a journal of events leading up to the suicide.  A few people thought that I was talking of myself, that I may be suicidal.  They contacted me, expressed their thoughts and concerns and it was quite moving.  Then the revelation slapped me in the face:  One can never have too many of the right kind of friends.  As ridiculous as that may sound, it's the truth.  And there should be a couple of people in our lives to whom we hold ourselves accountable.  I don't mean babysitting our silly asses, but rather people who know us intimately, not ashamed of you and want to be a part of your life.  It's a big deal.  It really is.

Oh, look at the shiny thing:  I also learned this weekend that there are desires we have that seem to consume us at times.  It could be the cravings for more money, more sex, and even more attention.  Often, these desires and cravings are perfectly normal, absolutely healthy.  Other times, they are just wicked distractions that take us off the beaten path of our destiny.  Personally, I've been like a 230lb Chihuahua; nervous, anxious, quick to bark and even snap sometimes.  The small critters are easily distracted by any little shiny thing that crosses their paths.  I too am like that, easily taken off course, frustrated with by the littlest of things, and unfortunately, prone to forgetting what really matters at times.  I've spent way too much time in my life searching my past for solutions to today's problems.  I'm a big, dumb animal folks.

The dumb stuff:  Okay, so my stomach has been bothering me and often, eating hearty foods makes me sicker and the pain increased.  So what did I do Saturday evening?  I made a pan of pasta with Italian sausage and topped with about a pound of mozzarella cheese.  Brilliant move, I tell you.  To be honest, I actually forgot that I was not supposed to eat that type of crap but once I got started cooking, I lost my damned mind.   That was pretty dumb even for me.

What the week may bring:  First, we'll be hearing from hungover Patriot fans, letting us know that their team is the greatest thing since perforated toilet tissue.  Of course if my Seahawks would have won, I'd be one of those annoying, loud mouthed bastards as well.  Second, the unknown variable in our lives.  That one thing that will happen to each of us that will either piss us off royally, or tickle us to the point of almost piddling in our britches.  Either way, that unknown variable is what truly separates us from the rest of the primates - that and the ability to use cutlery.  It's in those exciting, unforeseen moments that make us truly human and if we have our eyes fully open, we will be sensitive to those around us struggling with their unknown variable. 

So, let's gather together this week in one mind and spirit to be servants of one another.  Let's try and be kind to someone whom we would normally want to gut like a fish and eat their entrails.  It won't be easy, but it is completely attainable.  Good luck!

Gorilla

Diary of His Last Day

7:30am:  I couldn't sleep again last night.  The nightmares coupled with the physical pain has been unbearable for the last few months, but I only need a few more hours and then, it will be handled.  The coffee is brewing, it shouldn't be long before I can get my morning dose of miraculous.  The smell of freshly brewed coffee is unlike anything else and it has brought me many mornings of enjoyment.  Today, I'm just not feeling it.

8:45am:  I sat out on the balcony and had my coffee and it was delicious, the sunshine was a welcomed change, that's for certain.  The weather can be so frustrating - one minute it's cold, the next it's like living under an earth-sized hair dryer.  Anyway, time to get ready.

9:25am:   The pain has really started to intensify.  The pain medications have stopped working weeks ago and with each passing day, the pain is increasingly intense.  I'm glad that the kids haven't seen me in this condition.  They saw me in the hospital once, and that was enough.  They were scared, frightened, and unsure of just what was going on.  I have caused enough pain in their lives and I have no desire to add to the pain.  They are wonderful kids - all of them.  I can't go on being a source of anguish for them.  Just can't do it any longer.

11:00am:  I made my calls to those whom I love.  Some were excited to hear from me, the rest were rather disinterested in a simple conversation.  It hurt, but it's what I've grown used to.  When you're sick, you see, no one really wants to be around you - as though your pain will be transferred to them like in a sci-fi flick.  These were people whom I thought really gave a shit about me and my feelings.  I don't get it and maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me to understand.  They enjoyed me as long as I was entertaining, interesting.  But when I became ill and the prognosis was scary, I became a persona non grata.  And that's okay too.

12:13pm:  The time is drawing near and the closer it gets, the more at peace I feel.  My Catholic friends will consider this a mortal sin.  For my Protestant friends, they'll just pray that I made it to the happy side of the abyss.  The rest of my friends probably will miss me the most.  They knew me intimately, and they cared of their own free will - not because of some obligatory religious edict.  Man, I've dealt with my share of so-called Christians and they only understand the most rudimentary aspects of what current culture has decided is fundamental.  Oh, well.  I sure as hell won't be changing anyone's opinions - I've tried that and it just didn't work.  I vomited blood again and it's getting worse and more disgusting.  Blood is supposed to be on the inside of the body, not the outside.

1:46pm:  Why didn't they understand what I have been going through?  I reached out to them, asked if they were too busy to visit once in a while, and apparently they were.  I had a couple friends who stuck with me through this, but one abandoned me when it got rough - apparently there is no such thing as "unconditional love" any longer.  There's always an agenda. It's one of those "I love you IF" circumstances.  "I love you IF you behave in a manner of my choosing."  It's immeasurably fucked up and yeah, I suppose I have pulled that shit too.  But it doesn't make it right.  

3:00pm:  It's time.  Everything is ready, I've made my final telephone calls, I've even posted some niceties to be remembered by that will make my so-called friends feel good about themselves.  Some will say I took the coward's way out.  To them, I ask:  When is the last time you were in such pain that you couldn't talk?  Have you ever been so sick that even a simple cough will cause you to shit your pants?  Have you ever stared down the barrel of a firearm and knew that it would take your life?  Exactly.  Of course you haven't.  So, don't you dare judge me because if I do come back, I'll haunt the hell out of you.  I just can't take the pain of being sick and the emotional trauma that comes along with being sick - that sense of loneliness.  I know there will be others after me who experience the same.  My hope is that they are not left alone; whether they deserve it or not.  I've spent my last few days alone except for the occasional text message or social media message.  No one else should have to deal with that.

To My Kids:  I love you.  You all made my heart sing out when you were born.  Your lives are a testament to just how amazing life can be.  You've grown into your own and I'm proud of each of you.  Don't listen to the naysayers - remember that I love you and I carried your love for me to the other side.

I leave you all with four words:  I tried, I failed.  

They found his lifeless body sprawled out in her living room.  What was left of his head was scattered all over the floor, the pistol still in one hand, his diary in his other hand.  His friends and family mourned him, even missed him.  It wasn't long before they regretted not spending time with him, sharing life experiences.  But that's just the way it goes in the contemporary Facebook society.

I've read a great deal about warning signs about suicide and the diary above really underscores the fact that we have little time on this earth and that time should be spent wisely.  The fulfillment of our human existence is when we connect with other humans, sharing love and time with one another.  Don't pretend that the distressed is "someone else's problem."  It's your problem too.  If we all take on the responsibility of caring for one another - truly caring, the problem of suicide fades away.  It's true that we can't completely eliminate suicide, but we can knock a hole in it.

Gorilla

Weekend Prepper

What a wicked week it has been.  The third volume in my book series, Absolution for the Average Joe, was released for Kindle this week.  Still no results from the VA for the biopsies they took, and of course, that always brings the stress level to a minimum. Stomach is still upset as hell since the procedure and worse than before I went in (figures) I finally figured out how to use Instagram - quite the feat, I might add.  So, as you can see, it was an interesting week. 

Let's look at what the weekend may bring:

Seahawks Super Bowl Championship Part II:  My Seattle Seahawks are matched up against the New England Patriots and it looks to be a great game - though the Seahawks will pull off another win.  That will make back-to-back Super Bowl Championships and I will be a happy little camper.  The Patriots are a good team and they are picked to win the big game by just about every sports pontification available.  And the Seahawks love to be underdogs.  Remember the Green Bay NFC Championship?  Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch brought the team back from a big deficit in the fourth quarter with only 3 minutes left on the clock.  Yeah.  This is going to be one hell of a game.

New On Netflix:  The ultimate creator of the couch potato, Netflix continues to blow the doors off of every other subscription-based entertainment source.  I've had the chance to watch Breaking Bad twice now, Sons of Anarchy (waiting for the last season to be released), and there's Lost, of course - if you can keep from becoming lost. One of Netflix original badass series is House of Cards featuring Kevin Spacey who is amazing in this series.  The controversial movie, The Interview, is on Netflix already.  No doubt because of the whole hacking debacle.  Then there's Footloose, Fried Green Tomatoes, Mystic River (put this on your MUST see list), and comedies like Mr. Mom, and Swingers.  If the weather is too chilly or you're just waiting for Super Bowl Sunday, some time in front of the tube wouldn't be a bad thing.

SCOTUS Contemplation:  Mitt Romney announced that he would not, in fact, run for president in 2016.  Certainly there were people who were shocked and relieved to hear that but now, the GOP has to figure out who the next nominee will be.  Jeb Bush looks to be the frontrunner, Christie a close second.  The country is not ready for another Bush in office, though this Bush Boy seems to be a little more moderate than than the rest of his family who has sat in the Oval Office. This weekend, give some thought to the best match-ups.  If Jeb faces Hillary, it might be an interesting race because the voters will have to decide between contributing to either the Bush legacy or the Clinton legacy.

Give a Visit:  I've mentioned this plenty in other posts, but there's a real need for men and women to reach out to one another.  Life is hard and for some, it's exceedingly difficult.  Take some time our of your day to visit someone or to at least call.  Forget emails, text message, or Facebook messages.  See them in person and hug their neck.  That little gesture could serve to brighten their day and maybe keep them from the brink of the abyss.

There's a lot to do this weekend if you're interested in doing something.  Whatever it is, do some good.

Gorilla

Impending Doom

The sense of impending doom is what makes many movies so delicious - the anticipation of something horrible about to happen sucks us in and we begin to physically manifest our anticipation.  Our palms get sweaty, the adrenaline begins to rush, our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shorter, and our pupils dilate.  These are not voluntary physical manifestations, but rather are an involuntary response to the potential of bad things about to happen.  Maybe it's our bodies warning us to get the hell out of where we are.

Politicians use that sense of doom and gloom every single day to get us to vote for them or to frighten constituents into believing that if we don't believe in the tripe they're spewing, we're going to be destroyed.  In other words, they hype up their fantasies in order to scare the hell out of us.

Nowhere is their a more apt illustration than some of the ridiculous bills that are being introduced in the Oklahoma legislature.  They are beyond preposterous, and the argument of the elected official is that the "gay agenda" is potentially ruining the country.  Ever more so, a bill to actually fire judges, clerks and the like who approve of and perform in any way something that even looks like gay marriage.  Really?  Really.  At one point in this legislator's career she talked publicly about how homosexuality is, in her opinion, more dangerous than terrorism.  Really.  It's true. 

She has no less than three bills this session that is supposedly going to protect traditional marriage.  If pastors like Kern's husband were doing their jobs ministering to those who need it rather than making up these stupid laws, she would see a change.

This legislator obviously doesn't get it, and it's probably not her fault.  She has surrounded herself with the "Amen Chorus," who agree with everything she says - as nuts as it may sound.  If this legislator truly wants to protect traditional marriage, maybe distracting the proponents therein with specious arguments might help a little.  For example, when the offense of a football team takes the field, their primary concern is to execute their plays accurately and get down the field to score.  They aren't bogged down by worrying about what their opponent may or may not be thinking.  It's stupidity personified to do so.

The Governor of Oklahoma announced that agencies may be facing some budget cuts because of the so-called "budget shortfall."  It is a reasonable request - IF the budget was actually crafted predicated on real income rather than projected income.  But that would be asking too much.  In the interim, stay scared, people.  The end is near.

People use fear every day to get what they want from others and politics is just the tip of the iceberg.  Capitalizing on fear has become a sacrament to some people - in relationships, for example:  A couple is talking about divorce, but the wife doesn't want it.  She points out to him that everything he has ever owned, everything he has ever desired or will maybe acquire in the future, will be hers.  She is playing on the fear of what most men experience in break-ups with most women.  It's all about revenge, perceived recompense, and it's a display of anger and rage.  It's tragic, but what is even worse is that we allow that shit to be pushed in our faces.

It's time for all of us to just stop.  It will be difficult, a struggle every day, but not thinking about the supposed end of the world at every turn will ease some stress.  At least I think so.

It's just my opinion and I could be wrong - but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

The Write Way

So, the shrink suggests I do what I enjoy, perhaps put pen to paper (figuratively speaking) and express my thoughts and fears.  Write them down, go back and read them, grammar check and analyze and peer into the real 400lb Gorilla - not just the outward persona, but rather the innermost workings of my poor little pea brain. 

So, that's what I did.  The result wasn't necessarily what I expected, but rather something altogether different. Rather than telling myself my story, I began writing a fiction series that ended up being amazingly and refreshingly dark.  I called the series, "Absolution for the Average Joe," a series of books that tell the tale of individuals who have experienced something traumatic in their lives and how those traumas manifest themselves outwardly.  The trauma is of their own doing and a price is to be exacted from each of them in a similar manner of the trauma they caused.  It's their act of contrition, their opportunity to right wrongs and do so in quite the dramatic fashion.  This particular series centers around a man by the name of Samuel and illustrates his descent into darkness and how he came to call his acts of retribution "Forced Absolution." 

I've completed the first two books of the series and they are available on Amazon.com for $.99 each, downloadable for Kindle. 

The first is called, Touch of Darkness. 

The second is entitled, Angels Have Fallen.

Do me a favor and pick up a copy of each, download them to your Kindle or load them into your Kindle Reader software on your Mac or PC.

Thank you.  Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Gorilla

 

Government Has Become A Church

Sad Jesus frowns on their shenanigans.

Billy got involved in the ministry because, well, he wanted to minister too others as he had been ministered to as a child.  He came from a broken home where his father had died in an automobile accident when Billy was a small child and the church had stepped up to the plate and provided comfort and aid to his family.  The pastor would regularly visit with his wife and give Billy's family an opportunity to openly and candidly share their grief.  Over time, Bill realized that what his pastor and church family had done was what he needed to do as an adult.

Billy graduated from seminary and accepted his first post as an associate pastor at a large, established church in an urban setting.  Within a week at the new job, Billy began to see a whole lot more political happenings than ministry happening.  Before long, he was disenchanted with the concept of ministry and left completely to work as a telemarketer.  

One of the biggest problems the Church faces in America right now is that of identity.  The Church is supposed to be a place of respite, a sanctuary for the sick, peace for the lost, and a location where the homeless are fed and the poor have their needs met.  Today, that New Testament visage of what the Church is truly supposed to be has been sacrificed at the altar of political or financial expediency.  After all, meeting need and caring for the least among us isn't as sexy as a rally at the capitol building steps protesting the alleged "gay agenda." 

There's the financial motivation to be a political church rather than a New Testament Church:  Meeting need, caring for the poor, feeding the hungry, and caring for the sick actually costs money and frankly, many churches would rather keep that money to pay for parsonages, campaigns, and the like.

Look, I'm not saying for a second that I have this "faith" thing down because I don't.  I've failed in every way imaginable.  I've been a lousy father, a terrible husband, a mediocre friend, and a mean spirited jackass.  But regardless of my myriad failures, the truth is still the truth and church leaders who become elected officials have proven time and again that ministry is the last thing on their minds, but rather creating a theocratic environment that will supposedly usher in the 2nd Coming has become their real agenda.  Forget feeding the hungry because that's someone else's "calling." To hell with healing and helping the sick because, after all, that's what doctors are for, right? 

Where in the New Testament is there an edict for the Church to become political activists?  Good luck finding it because it simply doesn't exist.  There's an incident where Paul appeals to Caesar during prosecution in the hopes of absolution, but it is a far cry from Jesus saying, "Go out and pass laws that show how much you hate supposed sin."  That's not what He said - He commanded us to "make disciples." 

What we DO know is what Christ had to say about the religious political leaders of his day...here are a few samples.

"Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger." ~ Mt. 23:1-4.
He said that they have "seated themselves in the chair of Moses," which means that they have set themselves up as the ones who are the arbiters of the Law.  He also points out their hypocrisy because they make laws and commandments that they see as right, but not seeing the sins they themselves commit.

"But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments." ~ Mt. 23:5
Press conferences, public hearings, press releases and news stories of their righteous indignation - all for the purpose of gaining notoriety.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves." ~ Mt. 23:15
This pretty much speaks for itself, but in this passage Christ is calling the Pharisees out and underscoring the fact that they are scumbags and their disciples are scumbags as well.  

Matthew 23 continues with some of the harshest, most condemning language in all of the New Testament and all spoken by Christ himself.  And it makes one wonder what these Pharisees think when they read it and because of the fact that they act like sociopaths, they cannot believe for a second that it could be about them.  It's sad, it's tragic and the people of Oklahoma end up paying for their idiocy.

For this new breed of "Christian soldier" who are neither truly Christian nor soldiers, government is a means to an end.  Like the Pharisees, they use the law to create what they interpret as a religious world versus a secular world.  They will use government as a place to worship, to be worshiped and their sacrament has been the sacrifice of common sense.  Whether they believe it or protest the fact, for them, the government has become their church.  Many of these Pharisees condemn the government for caring and feeding the poor, but the government does it because the Church is too busy with their shenanigans to do what they have been commanded.

Of course, I could be wrong but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

 

 

Live For Now, Not Then

“It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.”  ― Edgar Allan Poe

We are often told that we are to live in the "now," to put behind us our past and never look back.  Heck, that type of thinking even has Biblical precedent - Lot's wife took a look back and turned to a pillar of salt, the Apostle Paul write sin Philippians 3, "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." In essence, we just keep on trucking, move ever forward and basically give no thought to our past.

Frankly, I don't think those passages, those axioms can be by taken autonomously.  We just forget that which we experienced yesterday?  There has to be more, right?

We are unquestionably the sum total of our experiences.  Every little moment of joy, every twinge of pain and discontent While those experiences may not define our personality or paint us into a corner wherein there is no hope for the future, it's intellectually dishonest to think that without looking back once in a while, we can learn necessary life lessons.  It's exhausting to hear people say how we can't "live in the past," but I'll be honest...I get it.  We live in the here and now, we exist in the here and now and unlike the Creator, we are confined by time and space.  It's who we are.  So, how about something different?

1.  We look back at our past to see the mistakes we have made, and those mistakes often remind us of our fallibility.

2.  Sometimes, looking back and moments of joy, remind us what joy looks, tastes, and feels like again.  We often need that reminder.

3.  We look back to remember what we have forgotten.  I've lost whole blocks of my memory from the past and it's frustrating as hell.  I look back at times to try and fill in the gaps, to cross that bridge from curiosity to knowledge.  Sometimes, I have to trudge through muddy waters to get there and it's worth it, I tell you.

4.  Shut out the condemning voices - including our own.  "Therefore there is now no condemnation," (Romans 8) is a reality, but only so if we apprehend it and apply it to ourselves first. The voices of condemnation are all around us - there will be those who are hell bent on your destruction, your voice just has to be louder than theirs.  Maybe we just learn a new language and speak that language to minds...

5.  Acceptance.  Just accept the fact that there are some seriously jacked up things in your past and own them.  I've made a mountain of them and yes, I own those bitches.  There are many other mountains of bullshit out there, but this one is all mine.  When you own it, you control it rather than it controlling you.

What we learn from our previous mistakes is really up to us.  We can allow it to change the very core of our being or we can look at it for what it is - a learning opportunity.  I confess that I have not apprehended this truth myself.  I still hold a great deal of anger as a result of my youth, but the progress has been made that I know without hesitation that the past cannot own me.  It has only the control over me which I choose to give it.

We live for now, yes, but it doesn't hurt one damned bit to remember the joys and pain of the past - embrace that which is good, discard that which is bad.

I don't know.  I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

It Will Not Happen In Oklahoma

There are trends sweeping the nation in a cultural, spiritual and physical sense and some consider them to be enlightened.  It's more complicated than just moral standards because even the most "moral" pillars of our community, when all alone and no one is looking or listening, they agree with principle.  For example...

Legalization of marijuana - medical or otherwise.  Perhaps  I am wrong, but I cannot see this ever happening in the state of Oklahoma.  Liquor by the drink was hard enough to get through the concrete walls of morality, to pass something as controversial as medical marijuana under this Pharisaical leadership just is not going to happen.  The only way it will be even considered by the hyperbolic moral majority in Oklahoma, is to see one of their own suffering under immense pain with no hope for relief.  It's okay, of course, to prescribe medication that is highly addictive and destroys the body from the inside out, but marijuana is "of the devil."  Personally, I have a difficult time reconciling my position about legal alcohol while marijuana remains illegal.  The hypocrisy stacks up so fast in Oklahoma, you need wings to stay above it.

Elimination of the death penalty.  We like killing bad guys in Oklahoma.  It's as though we have a desire to be like our big brother, Texas, when we grow up.  Regardless of the fact that we have screwed up executions so badly as to be an international embarrassment, regardless of the fact that we have no doubt imprisoned the innocent and called them guilty (Jeffrey Todd Pierce, for example) and destroyed their lives, regardless of the fact that we tout our "pro-life" position like a badge of courage but kill prisoners with impunity, we just like the feel of what we deem as justice, our unique brand of justice.  We use Scripture to argue our position of being pro-life, but forget that those Scriptures are written in both the imperative and indicative tenses - and that it applies across the board, and not selectively.  This is not to say, of course, that we can use deadly force to protect lives in the moment, in the immediate sense.  There is justification for that, but to imprison on shady or questionable evidence and then to kill in the name of the state...   What ever happened to Joyce Gilchrist, by the way?

Over the last couple years, it seems like Oklahoma is undergoing a bit of a change, a shift if you will.  The change isn't a shift to the left or to the right politically, but rather it seems like the level of apathy has reached epic proportions.  The legislature continues to trudge ever forward, presenting legislation that is largely moral in nature instead of Constitutional.  Think about it:  Legislation that increases the difficulty for divorce where children are involved (as though keeping children in a dysfunctional household is the right thing to do), DNA samples taken at the point of felony arrest - not conviction, and the list goes on.  There is a change in the wind alright, and I don't think anyone is going to like it much.

What difference does it make to me or to the average Joe?  Not much.  We're too concerned with staying alive than we are changing public policy.

Of course, these are just my opinions and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

2015 Looks Okay So Far

2014 went out with a bit of a whimper, and for the vast majority of us, that's just fine.  It was a rough year on many levels and thankfully, it's behind us.  Sort of.  There's always residual fecal matter that sticks to our shoes as we march about in the pastures of life, difficult to scrape off.  But in any event, it always turns out the way it was supposed to and we survived.  I've lost a few friends over the last year, but I've gained even more and have reestablished relationships with friends whom I imagined were long gone. 

This year has already been interesting and it gets more so with each passing day.  And it's going to get better, no doubt.  Some stuff that's circling through my head...

Mason
This is the year when Mason, my second oldest son, graduates high school.  I've tried my darnedest to convince him that the Naval Reserves is the way to go for both continuing education and learning some serious discipline.  And of course, the reality that serving your country is kind of a big deal.  He's not buying it, not really interested in the prospect of becoming a member of the military, but hopefully, he'll change his mind.  Right now, he's looking at local schools and either way, I'm super proud of the kid.  He was the kid who wasn't supposed to make it this far.  But he has and he's done so splendidly.

Hoodies
Oklahoma State Senator Don Barrington (R) has authored legislation to ban the wearing of hoodies in certain public places.  Why?  It's a "safety issue."  Not the brightest piece of legislation to be hatched under the methane gas-filled dome, but certainly leading the pack for goofiest in the next session.  Barrington isn't a douchebag, but this legislation is douchey.  Hopefully, his fellow Senators will bring him back to reality.

Seahawks
Are they on the way to yet another Super Bowl?  Perhaps, but I have followed the Seahawks for so long, I'd still love these guys anyway.  We have a great team, great fans, a wonderful stadium and of course, the most awesome city to host the team in the country.  Enough said.

Family
I've reconnected with many family members this past year and thus far, I've had the opportunity to learn more about my life growing up, about my family that I've missed.  My cousin in Washington, Jodi, and her family has been illuminating in keeping me in the loop with what's going on with her kids, with my cousin's family.  I hope to get out there and see her, see my son Matthew, his wife and my grandson, Rylan. 

Politics
This is going to be a very challenging year for the GOP.  Leadership is pretty much the same, but Oklahoma has some new blood in Washington DC, but some are the same, just transfused into a different position.  It's hard to say how much will change, but I can promise you that one thing will definitely happen:  Fuel prices will go up.  With the GOP in control in this climate, we'll see that their backers will want to see the energy sector continuing to be prosperous. 

Well, that's about it for now, more to follow.  Happy 2015!

Gorilla

Thoughts of 2014 and What's Next

2014 is just about behind us and it has been an amazing year - one filled with changes, adventures and even a Seahawks Super Bowl victory.  The challenges for me have been obvious and I haven't been too terribly shy about sharing them in a very public forum.  Battles with depression, wrestling the demons that whisper in my ear telling me  it's time to jump off a bridge, and even the incessant physical pain have followed me everywhere I go and I've shared them with you.  It sounds rather morose, I know, but there is a bright side to it all, a respite in the midst of the chaos that exists in my mind that you all have helped me reach.

What have I learned in 2014?

Time Is Precious
This year, as well as most recently, the doc gave me less than happy news.  There was stabilization in my primary diagnosis, but the pain has not ceased and now, I've developed other symptoms, other problems.  Nevertheless, I march on smartly.  Time is precious.  I know a lot of people who live their lives with anger, frustration and an innate desire for revenge for the times they believed themselves to be wronged, often overlooking the fact that they too have plenty to deal with inside their hearts.  Again, every minute of our lives is precious.  I've learned in 2014 how important loved ones truly are, how much friends really mean and whether the doc is right or I overcome, I'm going to live every second of every day as though it were my last.

Peace Through Strength
When Ronald Reagan was president, I remember the slogan, "peace through strength."  I believe that is true in our own lives.  In order to have peace, we have to have enough strength to weather the storm of difficult times.  Spiritually, we are to lay down our lives - to see the death of self so that we may live for others through Him.  I know this to be true spiritually, but let me tell you, it's hard to live out in practice.  There will always be men and women who see weakness, your vulnerability as an opportunity to tear you to shreds emotionally and otherwise.  Even in light of this danger, it's important to remember that you are in control, not them.  Your weakness IS your strength because it is uniquely you and no one can own that but you.  You will grow to be stronger, and there you'll find true peace.

Don't Water A Dead Plant (Or A Poisonous One)
Water is life-giving.  Without water, we die - and we will die much faster without water than we will without food.  Water changes things; it cleanses us from filth, it nourishes our bodies, and it is used for the sacrament of baptism.  When a plant is dead, no amount of water can revive that plant.  To try to do so is an effort in futility.

Doing What You Don't Believe You Can
I never imagined that I would be where I am right now.  Back in the day, I thought my life would be much more ordered and packaged in a nice little box with a pretty bow around it.  That just didn't happen and as time progressed, things got harder and harder due to some of my really dumb ass life choices.  We all pay the price for our choices and that pain and struggle often convinces us that there is nowhere to turn, no hope for the future.  Some days, I don't believe I can continue - that the universe would be better off were I not in it and all my meds cry out to me to be consumed and to drift off into the abyss.  But it's at that moment that somehow, I do what I didn't believe I could.  I push through it and I live.  I breathe.  I flourish in the midst of turmoil.  I do it because I have plenty to live for and the time I have left is precious and I'm not going to allow any demon on this planet to take that from me - I've lost too much time already trying to be that which I am not.

You Don't Live There Any Longer
There are aspects of our past, I have learned, that just don't need to be revisited.  2014 brought forth some horrifying revelations about my family, and they forced me to do a serious inventory about what comprises the totality of me.  Many of them were built on a faulty foundation to begin with.  I've had to remind myself that I don't live in that place any longer.  That past, that history is no longer who I am and I can't and won't let if have power over me.  Learning about and understanding history is critically important, yet it isn't the sum total of who I am - those moments of joy and the times of turmoil are lessons from which to be learned. The harsh realities of time gone by is like that of an abandoned house.  Visiting it once in a while is entertaining, a worth while effort.  But over time, it decays and becomes something far less beautiful than it was - our minds, of course, romanticize it, hold it up in higher regard than we should. 

Happy Happy Joy Joy
It's funny...I really have spent far too much of my life trying to please others of trying to adjust my life according to whether or not someone in my life is happy or going to be upset.  Many would argue that I'm a selfish dick, and circumstantially, they would be completely correct.  Yet, when I look closely at my decisions - particularly where relationships are concerned, I've not truly followed my heart and pursued happiness.  Real happiness.  Hell, at my age, I question whether it's even attainable - but I'm not going to stop trying.

There is so much more that I've learned, and I've included them in a book I'm working on, but hopefully, you can see the struggle and the victory therein.

What's next in 2015?

Music Lover
I've been involved in music since I was 9 years old and it's something that is hard wired in my DNA.  I may fail at relationships, fail at my ability to communicate, but I love music and my goal is to complete the work we started with Mean Machine and Lord willing, even complete the two originals I've been working on. 

Spiritual Journey
I believe that 2015 will be a year of spiritual exploration.  I know what my faith entails, the creeds of which I believe and affirm, but I think I'm going to try and take it to a new level.  I've had my fair share of judgmental douchebaggery, it's time for some eye-opening experiences free from condescension. 

No Apologies

Everyone has their skeletons tucked away, hidden in a safe, nice little place where they can hardly be found.  Many of mine have been resurrected and to be honest, I've made an effort to come to grips with them and understand them.  I can't apologize for who I am.  I am 50 years old and wholesale changes to my personality just isn't going to happen without divine intervention - and I don't see that happening any time soon.  I'll be much more candid with my loved ones, sharing information that may be painful to hear but candid nonetheless.  We need more reality and a whole lot less posturing.

Family Affair
My family in Virginia, family in Washington state...I have my issues with them, but I think the time has come for that reunion I've been talking and dreaming about.  I'll be heading back to Seattle at some point in 2015 and it will be a particularly wonderful experience.

More than likely, most of what I've typed here will mean little to many of you.  Maybe there are a couple out there who can understand this duality in which we exist.  It's true that for a whole bunch of us, merely getting out of bed is a struggle.  But we do, we keep after it.  And then, someone challenges us at the right moment and the perfect storm is created.  Then, we all get a taste of the true nature of who we are.

Until next time...enjoy.


Gorilla