Evil Is As Evil Does

Let me give you fair warning now:  Some of what you're about to read will probably upset your conventional wisdom apple cart.  The discussion of evil and its impact on humanity is a serious subject - but not as serious as we often take ourselves.  This is not for the wimps among you, but rather, I implore you to put on your proverbial "big girl panties," grab a chair and join me around the dinner table of unfettered dialog.

Humanity, when left to its own devices, is incapable of anything but darkness and evil.  For my Christian brethren, read Romans 3 and you will see my premise underscored, highlighted and bolded for your protection.  For my humanist, secularist friends, one need only look at the empirical evidence provided every night on the evening news.   Story after story of one human being harming another, ripping off another, using the judicial system to screw over another human - if that's not enough evidence, consider the following:

• Every 2 minutes, someone is sexually assaulted in this country.
• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• 19.3 million women and 5.1 million men in the United States have experienced stalking in their lifetime.

In a previous blog entry, I covered some pretty scary statistics about domestic violence and how there is a massive under-reporting problem with violence against men in intimate relationships.  That being said, it's simply more evidence that humanity, when left to do what it will naturally do, will never choose to do "the right thing," but rather will embrace the darkness on one level or another.

Darkness doesn't just inhabit the innards of men.  Women are prone to evil just as much as men, but society tends to overlook the reprehensible behavior and attitudes of women because, I guess, the myth that they are the "weaker sex" is still prevalent in our culture.  It's easier and more acceptable on an emotional level to consider women "victims" than it is a man.  But even within those judgments themselves, there lies an evil desire to create imbalance.

Romans, Chapter 3 tells us quite loudly that "there is no one righteous, no not one," and that we have "altogether become useless."  Now, I know that comment goes directly against the doctrine of human potential, but I've already given you just a few examples of humanities inability to make the author of Romans a liar.  Then, in Romans 7, Paul gives is this incredible look at the dichotomous nature of the human existence - "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."  According to Paul, we are incapable of keeping at bay the dogs of war that exist within us, but admittedly at varied levels.  For example, how many of us have been on a diet and knowing that our efforts will be wasted by sucking down that fast food, but we do it anyway?  We know our "temple" will be jacked up, but we cannot completely abstain from that dark side of our humanity.

So, Paul asks the question in chapter 7, "Who will save me from this body of sin and death?"  The answer is obvious, and it's evident he's talking of the Christ.  And for me, I believe that.  I don't think that we can have true peace until we make it right with the Creator through the sacrifice that took place a couple thousand years ago, about a 20 minute walk outside of downtown Jerusalem.  And I will take it one step further:

While the act of salvation, the forensic declaration of righteousness is all about the individual, there is a social, a community aspect to it as well.

In other words, we're not intended to be alone and we sure as hell can't survive alone.

The darkness that overtakes us becomes less controlling when we're not alone.  When we have someone with whom we can bare our souls, with a friend who can embrace us regardless of what dirt we have under our fingernails, the evil in our hearts calms, becomes more quiet.  There is a part of all of us that exists through divine intervention that by the nature of its very existence, connects with the light that is in others.  When the puzzle pieces of our hearts don't fit, however, the evil is exacerbated and becomes more intense.  But when the light within us connects with the light of another who truly understands and accepts us as we are, we begin to see a glimpse of who we were designed and created to be.  It doesn't have to be a romantic interest either - it could be a best friend, a family member, someone who just "gets you."

I've seen the evil that men do and continue to do, and it's not pretty.  Hell, I'm honest with myself and I've seen my very own evil manifest itself and I've seen the fallout.  I own it.  It's mine and mine alone.  There's no one who can or will ever take this burden and remove the scars, but you know, I'm honest about it.  But I've also seen moments when I've been able to somehow, miraculously tap into the river of positive consciousness and do good.  Sure, it's rare, but it happens.

Life is more than politics.  Life is more than liberal vs conservative.  Life is more than a damned bumper sticker.  Life is not your denomination or lack thereof.  Life begins with the death of our expectations and dependence upon human potential.  It begins and flourishes when we realize our weakened and evil state doesn't have to own us.  We know that we're not perfect and it is in that real acceptance of who we are that we begin to experience freedom.  There's liberty in knowing the depths of our depravity when we know it doesn't always have to be that way.  And it's a beautiful thing we don't do it alone.

It's just my opinion and I could be wrong - but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Musical Noise

Life is filled to overflowing with background noise, with chaos at every turn.  We see and hear about atrocities that were unheard of just 20 years ago, and yet we have become a little numb to it all because the noise of life has deafened us.  We're bombarded with noise all day long, both audible and visible, and it's no wonder we are collectively losing our bloody minds.  The political landscape alone in this country borders on the macabre and infects everything we do.  There are constants, however, that can be soothing, that will bring us back to a sense of peace and reality.

For me, it's all about the music.

I am often teased about the eclectic nature of my music collection, ranging from Mozart to Marylin Manson.  Yeah, I'm 50 and I still listen to Pantera, enjoy Slipknot, and even tap my toes to Kelly Clarkson.  Each of those artists represent something different, their songs speak to me in a different manner and address varied emotional states.  When I'm really pissed off and need to calm down, I turn on some Mozart and listen to the Marriage of Figaro.  Or, if I'm really pissed off and want to stay pissed off, it's Five Finger Death Punch or Billy Idol.  When I'm in a good mood, but sort of melancholy, I listen to Matchbox 20 or Rob Thomas - particularly the song, "Someday."

In my estimation, all music is a form of worship to the Creator.  I've seen, heard, debated and destroyed the fundamentalist argument that there is music that is "of the devil" - in some ways I agree...if you've listened to Contemporary Christian music lately, you'd see that it's neither contemporary nor Christian.   But the composition of music, the delivery and the emotion that it can draw is nothing short of evidence of the Creator's handiwork.  The way it touches us in the very core of our being is, well, miraculous in a way.  And for the record, I'm not the ideal Christian - hell, I'm not the ideal anything.  My thoughts and opinions of a theological nature have been battered, beaten and run through the spiritual wood chipper over the last few years, calling into question virtually everything I have ever believed.

Growing up, I always had an instrument nearby.  I played the trumpet, the baritone, the baritone bugle, the soprano horn...there was something always within arms reach to play and it eased much of the tension after mom got sick.  Today, it's much the same, but I play guitar rather than a brass instrument.  The therapeutic relief is much the same and for the last few years, there has been roadblocks to truly exploring the art.  Sure there was never an official blockage, but there was always the looming psychological threat that diving into music too much may not meet the requirements set forth therein.

So, what is the music that cuts through the noise for you?  Have you taken some time to listen, to share it with others?  If not, do so.


Gorilla

Refusing to Release 2014

It's difficult to wrap my already warped head around the fact that December is here, the New Year is rapidly approaching and Christmas is ready to stomp on us like a bug.  Where in the hell did 2014 go?  As a matter of fact, where did the last decade escape to?  It's true that the older we get, the quicker time seems to pass and how we get lost in the minutia of the moment and forget the bigger picture.  Supersonic, speed of light kind of travel is what we're talking about here, kids, and when that time is gone, you can't get it back.  So, again I ask, where in the hell did 2014 go to and how do we get a posse together to hunt that bugger down?

Kids

I was fortunate enough to spend some quality time with my kids this weekend and Maddie and Mason never cease to amaze me.  Being 17 and 18 respectively, they have had some pretty wild life experiences already and it has given them a perspective you wouldn't expect from teenagers.  They lost their grandfather a couple years ago and additionally, they are kids who have "survived" divorce.  We watched some Netflix, laughed a bit and talked about their work.  Without going into too much detail, we had some pizza and kind of relaxed.  They understood what it meant to "relax" - I'm not talking about being lazy, but rather simply enjoying one another's company in a stress-free environment.  It was one of those serendipitous moments that I will take to my grave.  My hope is that you get to experience those once in a while too.


Politics

Mondays when the Oklahoma legislature is not in session are an opportunity for legislators to show their constituents that they are still important, even if there is nothing of importance on their agenda.  For example, the fact that today, the members of the House are going through the "office lottery" where they get office assignments.  To the average taxpayer, it sounds more like a fraternity initiation than it does actually getting something done that is related to the will of the people.  Until the legislature's session begins, we can expect all kinds of frivolity from those who are elected, but lack self-esteem and are unsure of themselves in their elected position.  After the session begins, prepare for Romper Room.

War on Christmas

This time of year, every year, Fox News and its pundits proclaim that there is an alleged war on Christmas and it has become agonizing.  There was even a book penned a few years ago by one of their talking heads with the same title and yeah, it sold a lot of copies.  So, is there a war on Christmas?  I don't believe so and here's why:  If there was to be a war on Christmas, it should come from the members of the Church who know Church history and see the holiday for what it is - a secularization, an adoptive ceremony with other than orthodox roots.  One of the Pope's declared December 25th to be Christmas, and there it was.  Unfortunately, the date is inaccurate to the Biblical account because there is not a single "harvest" taking place in winter.  Unless you're harvesting deer, but that's not mentioned in Scripture.  But, do I think that we abolish the holiday?  Heavens no!  I just say that it's time to put it into perspective.  That's all.  And no, there is no bloody war on Christmas.

War on My Christmas
Admittedly, the holidays (I say "holidays" because I speak of the time from Thanksgiving to New Years) are kind of rough on me and have been for many years.  I know it's rather childish, but since the loss of my mother when I was 14, the holiday season just doesn't feel or maintain the same joy.  Sure, I've been able to pull it off for the kids and I love every minute of it, but at the same time, there is a darkness that accompanies the holidays.  I can't seem to shake it, have no idea why in the heck it's there with such intensity and I really don't know if I will power through it and put it to bed before I leave this planet.

There's No Place Like Home
During this time of year, we all think about "home" and creating a "home" environment.  For some, there is a big facade created where the house is decorated perfectly with Christmas trappings, the Scentsy has its holiday scents filling the air and the events for the days to come are rigidly planned and organized.  And when the time comes, God help you if you miss one of your cues or you don't follow the Happy Holiday Script.  On the other hand, there are places where there is no focus on pomp and circumstance, but rather a sanctuary where the very essence of Christmas is embraced. No one is afraid to share their love openly, no one cares what you wear - they just care that you're there.  Those are the places we call "home."  Many of those memories for me, those "home" moments, have taken place with my kids - all of them.  I just wish that we could have those moments in my home state of Washington.

2014 is just about behind us...let's say goodbye in style and do what we struggle to do - just let it all go.


Gorilla

The Good Old Days

Looking in the mirror is becoming increasingly difficult these days.  Sure, I've lost weight and have a bit more energy than maybe a year ago, but when I look in the mirror, there isn't a damned thing I like seeing.  I'm more gray, my eyes often have dark circles from lack of sleep, I have more wrinkles from putting on so many fake smiles and pretending that life truly is grand and my scars from misspent youth are more prominent.

And then, there's the emotional stuff.  Yuk.

History is a fickle bitch, isn't it?  We often see the "good old days" as something that they really weren't, filtered through our lens of self-preservation and pride.  We convince ourselves of how the past was truly a wonderful place to be, only to learn years later that it was a facade, a smoke-in-mirrors illusion.  Those memories we hold near and dear are far too often little more than exaggerations of extreme mediocrity.  For example, I remember the holidays at my home, the moments of laughter and joy as we prepare for the celebration of the commercialized date of Jesus' birth.   Mom and Dad made sure that the house was festive even though we didn't really have a lot of financial resources at the time.  Years later, I find myself doing exactly the same thing during times of need - creating a loving memory that covers up the deeply felt shame of not being able to provide in a manner we desire for our kids.   We do what we have to, I suppose.

There are aspects of our past that are kind of refreshing, though.  For some of us who are old enough to remember, there was a time when we didn't have to stare at our smart phones for hours on end to feel connected.  We could actually visit people rather than send an impersonal email or text message.  We would gather together over a meal and share a part of our lives with one another.  Sure, there were problems then too, but it was nice not to be slave to technology.  Like when your car broke down, you didn't need a $7,000 diagnostic tool to figure out what the hell is wrong with it.  Or, how about just hanging out on the porch with friends, talking about the week, enjoying an adult beverage?

I remember what it was like to wake up, to live, to not have physical pain.  I remember looking forward to doing this, experiencing that, emotionally and spiritually hungry for life.  I remember when my demons were quieted by a simple smile, a gentle touch or even an encouraging word.  I remember the times when I realized that I was not the sum total of my experiences, but rather I have survived in spite of them.  Finally, I remember when just breathing, wanting to breathe didn't require gargantuan effort...those, my friends, were the "good old days."

If I could go back in time, there are so many things I'd change, but therein lies the rub - I know that I can't and I'm forced to face these demons who have followed me throughout the years.  They whisper in my ears that those "good old days" were the best of times, that my life today is horribly insignificant contrasted with what I had "back then."  Some of it is a lie, some of it is true.

To be honest, I'm not even sure why I wrote this blog - other than having another wrestling session with my own beasts, and somehow I know that I'm not alone.  Or, hell...maybe I am.

Marching on smartly...

Gorilla

The Politics of Mental Illness

He awakened everyone in the house that night with his screams.  The terror that engulfed him while he slept was almost too much to bear, his body trembling, covered in a thin layer of sweat.  He has suffered quietly for many years, keeping his emotional duress to himself, sharing only fragments with the women in his life in the hopes of finding understanding - only to see it used against him by the same people he trusted.  Time and again throughout his life, he tried to find respite, to have that one person who truly understands his struggle but he never did.  This particular night, it became overwhelming, invading his dreams, his subconscious thought.  After the family checked on him, and he reassured them all was well, he quietly got dressed and walked toward the door.  He stood there for a moment, looking back, realizing this would be the last time he would ever see this place he called home.  He left, never to be heard from again.

In American society, men aren't allowed to be emotional, nor is it socially acceptable for men to show weakness.  And in some cases, we can understand why it's so difficult.  The media pushes a traditional view of the "manly man" who should shun all things emotional and if you're a man struggling with mental illness, you're at the bottom of the food chain whether you like it or not.

The recent revelations about Scott Stapp (lead singer for the band, Creed) have been painful to watch.  He is an incredibly talented musician, fronting a band that a lot of the media elites enjoyed ripping to shreds, and now, he is at an incredibly low point in his life.  Wrestling with mental illness, Stapp is an example of the reality that everyone from every walk of life could have to face, the disease of mental illness.  And his case is one that proves that there will always be assholes out there to make fun of emotional distress.

Since the Reagan era when mental health was stripped of funding and multitudes of mentally ill were released from facilities and became the next generation of homeless, it's been a struggle to gain acceptance that there is still a desperate need for treatment and treatment facilities.  Conservatives see it as a problem that should not be funded by taxpayer dollars, liberals want it to be over funded.  Somewhere in the middle lies the answer - at least the beginning of a solution.

And this doesn't even begin to address the number of America's veterans who are wrestling with mental illness and are receiving horrific care.

The truth is that mental illness is an equal opportunity destroyer - it impacts people across the political and economic spectrum.  It impacts men just as much and just as deeply as it impacts women.  The fact of the matter is that men are just not hard wired to talk through their problems or to show weakness of any kind.  If men show weakness, we are somehow looked at as less than men, but rather a hybrid of sorts and the target of ridicule.  We can do better than this.  Our communities deserve better.

This is just my opinion and I could be wrong - but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Losing My Religion

The past few years have caused me to really take a long, hard look at my life, who I am and what I believe.  I've come close to kicking the bucket four or five times in the last three years, and coming face to face with one's own mortality is a horrifying but enlightening experience.  Revelatory, if you will.  It's forced me to look at the carnage of my existence, the joys of being on this planet, and try to solidify just what it is in my heart that I believe.

And it has not been easy.

I was raised in a Baptist home, but it was really my mother who was the driving force spiritually.  My father was, at best, a recreational Christian.  It was only after I had joined the Navy and got together with a group of Christians on the ship that I really started to see what I believed, to begin to have an apprehension of what it was my mother believed and why she believed it.  I dove head-first into the faith, purchasing commentaries, different translations and the like with the hope that I'd learn more, understand more.  A few years later, pursued a seminary education and thought I finally had it figured out.

I didn't.

One thing I learned and have experienced is that religion as we know it today is not at all what the early Christians believed or practiced.  It's a weird, watered-down and funky version of what we think we're supposed to believe and experience.  Since this is my blog and it contains my thoughts, I decided to share with you a little bit of what I believe and have learned about faith over the course of my 50 years on this planet.

I believe that love really is the answer.  When we truly love, we forgive, we have the ability to see the flaws in others but also realize that they are not the sum total of those flaws.  True love sacrifices, it doesn't judge, it doesn't hate but it does get pissed off once in a while.

I affirm the Creeds of the Church.  The Nicene and Apostle's Creeds have meaning and are great barometers to determine whether we're on track or not.  Or if we need to reevaluate our belief system.

Pharisees exist everywhere and sometimes, they reside in our very hearts.  The Pharisees were real jerks back in the days of Christ.  They were the political/religious leaders of the day who used their position in the faith as political leverage - they hounded Christ his whole time on earth and they were ultimately responsible for His death.  Today, their impact on the political landscape is undeniable - with the passage of religious laws that have no place in the Constitution, whose motives are to recreate a theocratic culture that cannot nor will not every come to fruition.  They will fight, kick, scratch and destroy whomever gets in their way of this quest, and more often than not, it's those closest to them that are the casualties in their holy war.  We've all known a few of these people and sometimes, if we're honest with ourselves, we know that they reside in our minds as well.

I no longer believe in the death penalty as we know it.  Don't get me wrong - if we catch someone in the act of a heinous crime, or if we have completely irrefutable evidence, I can understand swift justice.  But if I am going to say that I'm pro-life, I can't intellectually ascend to the acceptance of the death penalty when there is even a slight chance that we may be getting it wrong.  I just can't do it.

Politics should never hinder our ability to fellowship.  Republican, Democrat, Independent, Libertarian...those are just labels that define a political world view.  It does not define us spiritually.  Never should we find ourselves in a position where we refuse to break bread or to have fellowship with someone because of their political proclivities.  That's just stupid.

The beginning of spirituality is the end of self.  To truly have a relationship with the Creator, we have to die to ourselves.  I've not accomplished this task, but I know it to be true.  The absolute embodiment of our love for God lies in our self-sacrifice for others - and not just for those who we know intimately, but even those we don't.  I was once told that the homeless were God's wedding invitation to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb and I'll tell you, I don't know that not to be the case.

We've gotten it wrong for so long, it may be impossible to get it right again in the macro.  Televangelists, get rich quick schemes, name-it and claim-it, false healings and of course, the Joel Osteen mega church malarkey has so permeated the fabric of our faith community that we've lost sight of what really matters.  What used to be a place of worship, fellowship and love has turned into a retail establishment wherein we can purchase emotional indulgences and walk away feeling as though we've experienced something spiritual.  It is going to take nothing short of a dramatic reformation of the Church to see these problems go away.

We're approaching the Thanksgiving holiday, followed by Christmas and to me, in many ways, Thanksgiving signifies more than contemporary Christmas does about faith.  At the end of the day, we are to approach all things with a spirit of gratitude and thankfulness.  And before you consider me anathema, remember that I do believe, I just don't believe in the fecal matter being dished out today and called "Christianity."

Merry Christmas!

It Never Happens That Way

Every single day of our lives, we're bombarded with images of how our lives should be.  We see elegant homes, filled with expensive trappings and of course, the beautiful people to go along with it.  On television, men and women who look like they need a sandwich and a big dose of additional brain cells parade across our screens, enticing us to envy them, taunting us to desire to be like them.  Billboards show us the answers to many of life's problems ranging from hemorrhoid cream to pest control - which is somehow related, I'm sure.  These images, these messages are just unrealistic and we know it in our heart of hearts.  But that doesn't matter because we lust, covet and strive to attain the unattainable.  

It never happens the way it is portrayed in media, but we don't care.  Blindly, we march ever forward.

I know.  That seems depressing, doesn't it?  The thought that most of our dreams will never come true, that we're stuck with ourselves as we are tastes so bitter.  But there's a bright side to not getting all that we dream and the revelation that the images we see are little more than images depicting fantasy world.  

Low expectations mean less disappointment.  It doesn't get any more simple than that.  If you expect to be hurt, the happiness that follows when you're not is just that much more exciting and titillating.  

No such thing as "happy endings."  And I'm not talking about massage here, I am talking about the fact that you're just not going to ride off into the sunset with your Prince/Princess Charming.  More than likely, you're going to fall asleep in a lawn chair while Ambassador Average snores next to you.

They aren't coming to your funeral.  Usually, about half of the people who say they love you, that they adore you will even show up to say goodbye at your funeral.  The ones who will show up, however, are the drama queens who will gnash their teeth and proclaim how much they loved you while you were alive - but they were rarely there when you needed them most.  I remember going through a pretty wicked bout of depression where producing even the energy to take a breath was met with another temptation to jump off a bridge. Very few of my so-called "loved ones" actually gave a shit, and even fewer did anything about it.  You're no different than me - we're all in the same boat and there aren't enough life preservers.  Better learn to swim...

Our struggles contribute to our identity.  Like it or not, we are the sum total of our experiences.  The losses and the joys we experience throughout our lives define us, mold us into the persons we are right now.  Even as you read this, your inner struggle is at its very core, aftershocks of those defining moments.

Go to the gym all you want and tell the world about it, but, you're still a fat ass.  You are not your weight, you are not the breadth and girth of your muscles.  You are who you are on the inside and if the inside of you is evil, it doesn't matter how you try to dress it up - you're a douchebag.  Those who love you, who love the very essence of who you are won't give a damn how many hours you spend at the gym, so just stop it.  Sure, stay healthy, but don't be an asshole about it.

Little things matter.  Forget the vacation in Belize, the yacht club, the diamonds around your neck - what matters is the feel of that person's touch when the diamonds were placed there.  That simple smile from across a crowded room that made your heart flutter.  The smiles of those who truly, passionately love you...these are the things that really matter.  I've been with a lot of people in those last hours and my friends, they didn't give a damn about the outcome of the Superbowl, they cared that someone was there, holding their hand and that they didn't have to make the journey to the other side alone.  I know it sounds morbid but close your eyes and really think about it.  You know I'm right.

Being alone sucks.  We all strive for those intimate moments with ourselves where we can do a little personal inventory - some self-exploration.  Bullshit.  Being alone is horrifying, lonely and depressing as hell.  When given the chance, spend your time with someone or some folks that you care about and who care about you.  This introspective pabulum that is spewed in our direction is bile, it's useless.  Solitude stinks.

Reality is one great big bitch with warts on her nose and breath like a dragon.  But living in reality is insanely more rewarding than living in a dream world, trying to attain something that will never be in our reach.  

When we allow this revelation to engulf us, our food tastes sweeter, the air smells more clear and fresh, and people begin to really matter.  After all, that's what counts. It doesn't matter if you're the perfect cook, the perfect wife, the perfect husband because anyone who thinks and expects you to be is completely insane.  Even the Christian faith itself is predicated on an apprehension of the knowledge that, in essence, people suck and left to our own devices, will never be able to do shit about it.  There's freedom there, friends.  Real freedom.  

Of course this is just my opinion and I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Cop-Bashing: The New Dance Craze

He wakes up every morning long before the sun even considers rising, dons his uniform and heads out the door.  The senses alert when others would still be wiping sleep from their eyes, his focus is both natural and trained.  He knows where he's going, he knows that at any given time throughout this and every other day, he faces the specter of death - his own and others.  The uncomfortable and queasy feeling in the pit of the stomach that began on the first day on the job never really subsided, but instead a numbness, a tolerance has blanketed those feelings because he must survive and in the process, save the lives of others.  It's a job few want and even fewer could handle.  He took an oath to lay down his life if necessary to protect the innocents and that oath drives him, pushes him to survive yet another horrifying day. Today could be his last.  But he goes to work anyway.

So, I ask you:  Am I talking about law enforcement or am I speaking of a service member standing a post?

The trend today, particularly in communities overrun with poverty, it has become trendy once again to hate "the man" and "the man" wears a uniform, puts his life at risk every day so the same people who hate him may live under the blanket of safety he and his fellow officers provide.  Whether it be the destruction in Ferguson or even the outcry over parts of the O.J. Simpson trial, people are lashing out at authority and doing so with no thought whatsoever of the consequence.

As a member of the United States Navy, I had the privilege of seeing foreign lands, to experience a piece of different cultures and I assure you that our law enforcement infrastructure is nowhere near as terrible as what I've seen.  Granted, it's not much to compare to, but if we are to take the issue of law enforcement misbehavior seriously, we have to measure it against the reality that yes, the vast majority of officers are good people, doing a good job.  We live in the greatest country in the world, experience the greatest freedoms, and we have the best trained law enforcement officers as well.

Here is an example that should put to rest much of this new dance craze of cop-bashing.  Take the case of Daniel Holtzclaw in Oklahoma City.  He is a young law enforcement officer who has been charged with some horrific acts of sexual assault and the most recent woman to come forward was 17 years old at the time.  And she was allegedly assaulted on her front porch.  From Newsok.com:

The 32 prior counts against him include rape, sexual battery, forcible oral sodomy, burglary, stalking, indecent exposure and procuring lewd exhibition. There are a total of 13 victims reported in court documents.

Why is this case significant?  Because the officer accused of these crimes was handled by his coworkers and the chain of command by the numbers - it was a textbook example of how law enforcement didn't clamor to protect one of its own, but rather allowed the process that they themselves are a part of, work itself out.

What's the bottom line here:  Before one begins to partake of this trend of cop-bashing, get the facts and not some contrived bullshit from some obscure website on the Internet whose owners wear tinfoil hats, and run around in the grandmother's basement playing Minecraft.  We have access to the truth - we just have to apprehend it and allow ourselves to be apprehended by it.  When this happens, we see the light and we realize that police officers do a job that most of us don't have the balls to even consider.

Are there bad cops who have done bad things?  You bet your ass there are.  But are we so stupid as to throw out the proverbial baby with the bathwater?  I pray not.  A few bad cops do not speak for the rest of the law enforcement community nor should they be the poster children for law enforcement.

Of course, this is just my opinion and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Domestic Violence. Against Men?

Domestic violence.  We have laws to protect victims of domestic violence.  We have mandatory arrests being conducted on a daily basis of perpetrators of domestic violence. Thus far, the attention has been focused almost exclusively on women as victims.  As you'll see very soon, there is research that indicates men are, in fact, victims of physical domestic violence and that women are just as likely to be emotional or psychologically abusive to their partners as men.

As most of you know, I am a big music fan and I believe that music is an art form that often directly reflects the attitudes and acceptable societal norms.  This video, this song from the amazingly talented artist, Pink, makes light of the issue of domestic violence and psychological abuse of men.  And it's widely accepted as funny, as entertaining - but imagine for a moment it were a male artist performing this song about his female partner...

The message is that women can go completely insane on their lovers and at the end of the day, it's only for entertainment purposes. Get a load of this stanza:

"How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty.
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest.
But baby I don't mean it,
I mean it, I promise."

Again, if this were a man signing this song, there would be incredible outrage.  But let's say for the moment that you're not convinced by cultural displays of attitudes towards abusive women...let's look to hard research.

Here is a quote from a respected source (British Psychology Society) on the problem of domestic violence and in particular, violence against men:

While aggression in heterosexual relationships is believed to stem from men, a recent study presented on June 25 at a symposium on intimate partner violence (IPV) at the British Psychological Society's Division of Forensic Psychology annual conference in Glasgow, found women are more likely to be “intimate terrorists,” or physically aggressive to their partners than men.

But wait, there's more and this time from a completely different source:

Women engage in psychological aggression more than men (Muñoz-Rivas, et al., 2007) and their use of physical aggression is nearly equal to men (Parity, 2010)."

Let's take yet another look at the British Psychological Society's Division of Forensic Psychology and see what they have to say - pay attention (emphasis, mine).

However, when it came to terms of high levels of control and aggression, there was no difference between men and women. There was a higher prevalence of controlling behavior seen in women than men, which was found to significantly predict physical aggression in both sexes. In other words, the more controlling behavior a woman displayed, the more likely she would become an “intimate terrorist,” or physically aggressive to her partner.

What have we learned thus far?  Well, we have learned that the stigma affixed to domestic violence against men is ill-placed and the societal viewpoint that "men just can't be victims," is dead wrong.  The myth of the "weaker sex" is also hereby debunked as fantasy and perhaps should even be considered folklore in our contemporary culture.  Women are equally capable of psychological abuse and by some studies are even more likely to be "intimate terrorists" - I prefer the term "emotional vampire," but the impact is still the same.

It doesn't matter whether the woman is a 6' bodybuilder with a Black Belt in Karate or a 4'11" mousy little secretary with the temper of a dragon, women perpetrate violence against men and unfortunately, men just won't report it:

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, men and boys are less likely to report the violence and seek services due to several challenges such as the stigma of being a male victim. Sixteen percent of adult men who report being raped or physically assaulted are victims of a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, or date.

Yes, it's true - men are abused emotionally and physically and can experience depression and in some cases, even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  You're probably thinking that this is more than outrageous, perhaps even laughable.  But consider this:  The stigma of being emotionally abused or physically abused by a woman is immeasurable. In our culture, men are to be the standard bearers of strength and emotional disconnectedness.  That pressure of cultural norms coupled with the internal struggle the abuse itself often pushes men into a deep depression and post traumatic stress.  Just like women who are abused, men experience the physical manifestations of the emotional abuse by withdrawing from friends, spending more time isolating one's self, a decrease is sexual function, and in some extreme cases, career choices are made in order to eliminate the stress associated with abuse.

And then, there's this:

There are those of you reading this right now who are probably thinking that men who allow their partners to abuse them are "pussies" or "wimps" and aren't "real men."  But yet, when a woman is abused in the same manner, God help you if you call into question the legitimacy of her claims.  And if you think that the legal system has caught up with the societal norms, you're wrong.  Day after day in family courts across this land, lawyers are using the gender bias to their advantage for their clients and the men, well, they have to bend over and take it just like they have had to in the past - but now it's court sanctioned because a judge put his/her seal of approval on it.

While the laws are steadily improving at addressing various types of domestic violence more specifically, we, as men, are still not willing to accept the label of "victim," yet men are victims as well.  As a society, we outwardly frown upon physical or psychological abuse and rightly so.  However, behind our closed doors, the sad result of our ignorance on the issue is that we are teaching our children by example.  Our kids are bearing witness to the insane ideology that "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," when we should be teaching them, "If Momma is an abuser and has her head up her ass, it's unacceptable."

As parents, we thought we were doing the right thing by teaching our sons to control their tempers, and we were.  We have taught them that it is never acceptable to hit a woman.  Unfortunately, we have also taught them that the smartest thing you can do when dealing with angry women is to keep your mouth shut and wait for the storm to pass.  The only result is that the abuser feels vindicated, justified in their ridiculous behavior and the storm increases in intensity and depth - before you know it, you're dealing with an emotional disaster that would even make Katrina blush.  In the process of attempting to reduce domestic violence incidents, we have taught our daughters that they can behave however their emotions dictate without fear or consequence.  It is a swinging pendulum, folks.  Look, I am NOT suggesting that you go smack your wife around.  What I am suggesting, is that it's time to take those skeletons out of the closet and teach them to dance.

Here are some things that men can do to protect themselves.  Of course, these are just my opinion, filled to overflowing with commentary...

1.  Listen to friends.  If your friends tell you that she's batshit crazy, listen.  No circumstance is so bad that you can allow crazy to rule your life.  I've done it and it damned near killed me.  Don't make the same mistake.

2.  No third chances.  If she screws up once, that's fine and we should forgive.  There will be clear evidence if it was an honest mistake or the harbinger of abusive behavior in the future.  If she is abusing in the beginning of the relationship, you can rest assured that it's going to only get worse over time.  Not only that, but staying in that situation will only serve to weaken your defenses until finally, that one day, you explode.

3.  Call law enforcement.  As the research shows, men are less likely to report cases of physical abuse, but it has to be done.  Don’t waste your time calling friends or family because they are limited in what they can do and if you are calling a member of the abuser's family, you're an idiot and should probably stay where you are.  The fact of the matter is that law enforcement has their hands tied by the law - when they arrive, if there are injuries, the other person goes to jail.  So, it's critical that you remove yourself from the situation and THEN contact law enforcement before she has the time to fake injuries.  Let the truth speak for itself.

4.  Get your kids to safety.  Whether it be blended families or biological kids, if they see abuse of the physical or psychological nature, get them the hell out of there.  Not only is the situation volatile, but it's setting a horrible precedent.  If you have daughters and the abuser is a female, they will learn that men are pussies and there is a chance that the emotional scarring will be carried into future relationships.  In most cases, abuse is a learned behavior and not a genetic flaw.  Sure, some have the propensity for violent outbursts, but let’s be honest – our behaviors impact our kids more than we will ever admit.

5.  Do not hire a female attorney.  Forgive me for saying so, but it is virtually impossible for a female attorney to ever think that a man could be or would be abused and she will simply NOT represent you or your best interests.  They deal with male abuser after male abuser and more often than not, will consider your mental anguish and distress as bullshit.  And if your attorney doesn't fully get behind you, you have lost before you started.

6. Document everything. If you're married and it's too late to escape cleanly, you've got to have your shit together and that means documenting everything. If it's physical abuse, take photographs of the abuse and distribute to your closest friends to hang on to for you. When the psychological abuse occurs, write that stuff down and keep it in a journal.

The problem isn't going to go away.  It's part of our culture, part of our societal DNA and it's only going to get worse.  There are a few good resources out there, but the best thing men can do is share what they are experiencing with those who love and care.  Typically, they will support the victim and provide valuable insight as to where to go and what to do.  In the midst of the psychological blood-letting, it's hard to make reasoned decisions so the victim must, at all costs, surround himself with like-minded individuals.  Abusers, in some cases, are so caught up in their own egomaniacal bullshit that it doesn't even register that they are hurting someone.  If we don't change, we are going to end up with a nation filled to overflowing with pussified men who are afraid of their own shadows.  If we can't defend ourselves, how in the hell will we be able to defend our nation?

This is just my opinion (accompanied by hardcore research) and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.


Gorilla

Finding Middle Ground

In life, most human beings attempt to find compromise whenever conflict comes about.  It's in our nature to try to get along with one another, with the occasional rift and bug up our collective butts to stir the pot.  But generally, society tries to get along with one another.  In political rhetoric during campaigns, there is very little talk of compromise.  Once they get into office, however, the name of the game is compromise and that's not always a bad thing. In relationships, however, it is critical to be able to find middle ground, to pick our battles wisely. More often than not, however, egos get in the way, perception and image overrule our ability to truly identify that which would grow and strengthen the relationship.  In truth, that's where we absolutely go against human nature and feed off the decaying flesh of our dark existence.

Take, for example, talk radio.  In order for talk radio to maintain listeners, there must be an antagonist for every show.  In some cases, the protagonist (host) will make one up for each segment - the devil in every bush kind of dialog.  The purpose is to give listeners a reason to feel compassion for the host, to align themselves ideologically on a specific topic of importance.  Talk radio is big on the issue of illegal immigration.  Why?  Because it's an 80 percentile issue - 80% of people in this country believe there is a problem with current immigration policy.  Keeping in mind that the vast majority of listeners to talk radio are pretty conservative and dominate the 54 + demographic, you'll see hosts hint at issues of yesteryear that we all remember and get pissed off about in order to keep you listening.  I say this as a former talk show host, so I know the tricks of the trade and the bigger the name, the bigger the tricks are.  Some talk show hosts don't even fully believe the crap they're spewing but they do it just to piss people off and keep them listening.  Forget finding middle ground where talk radio is concerned.  It will never happen because in order for talk radio to survive, it must, by its very nature, be confrontational.

Let's talk about the institution of marriage, shall we?  You have two people who love each other (at least

initially), and they decide to surrender themselves to another.  In most cases, the surrender includes identity, emotion, and in extreme cases, spirituality as well.  This is agreed upon, mind you, at the very beginning.  The whole "two become one flesh" thing is repeated over and over until it's part of our DNA. Sadly, what it doesn't deal with is the fact that even within the marriage, there must be individuality. It's when two people truly are themselves that legitimate compromise can be established.  For example, if you have two people in a marriage who are very different in personality, in tastes and one of those two feels as though in order to keep the peace, he/she must change who they are systemically and mold themselves into the image the spouse desires.  You see, the problem with that is if a human being decides to give up their identity, their persona, the frustration  and battle that rages internally will eventually manifest itself.  Circumstantial compromise is acceptable in a marriage, but not compromise of identity.

As a culture, we're less and less likely to find middle ground.  We love to fight.  We love the adrenaline rush, the surge of blood to our minds as we prepare to launch into action.  We're addicted to the fight.  We want to fight.  If you don't believe that, just consider how many lawyers we graduate and are accepted to the Bar each year...

But I digress.

If we are to regain some sense of our humanity, our compassionate and caring side that I know is still there somewhere, we have to turn off the television, turn off the damned radio and actually interact with one another.  We must have compassion, rather than simply a passion for our own agenda - it doesn't work in personal relationships, it can't work as a cultural norm. We must make a conscious effort to listen with the intention of hearing and understanding, not merely the intention to reply.  Whether it be politics, talk radio or marriage, we must remember those differences among us are more than just a cause for battle.  They are the fabric of humanity. There will never come a time that we all stand together as one - no one is that stupid.  Without individuality constantly presenting an opposing view, there would never be change or growth.  We would become a truly stagnant society.  But yet, it is within our ability to celebrate our differences, to reach a middle ground on issues without sacrificing who we are or what we believe.  The problem is that we would rather fight than be happy and afford those around us the opportunity to be happy as well.  We want to win at all costs and we don't care what kind of damage we cause in the process.  If we don't change, we're doomed.  Hell, it may be too late.

Of course, I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Yes to MLK, No to Veterans

Public schools are a wonderful topic of discussion and it always gets folks riled up and ready to fight.  I remember discussing things like district administrative consolidation while on WKY, and you could actually hear heads explode. This blog post will be no different.  As you know, I'm a proud United States Navy veteran and veteran's issues are near and dear to my heart.  I'm not going to pull any punches, so put on a cup.  You've been warned.

Veteran's Day 2014 is upon us and many of our public schools are open for business.  It's wrong - particularly at a time when some of the kids in school right now have parents in forward deployed units.  In other words, our schools show a great deal of love for Martin Luther King Day, but Veteran's Day is, well, not that important because after all - there's Memorial Day, right?

Wrong.

[Note: Note:  If you dare think this is about race, stop now.  Your IQ will only continue it's rapid decline on matters of political importance as the facts continue to present themselves and you'll make everyone else dumber by your presence.]

Martin Luther King was a civil rights pioneer who was killed for his beliefs. Our country is arguably a much better place because he was here - MLK is an American icon, to be sure.  He was taken from us far too early by a racist pile of human excrement, yet, without our veterans, without men and women willing to stand a post and put their lives on the line, Martin Luther King would have not even been a blip on the radar. None of us would be, come to think of it.  Our civil rights would not exist as we understand them today.  As a matter of fact, when you consider the sheer numbers of men and women in this country who were willing to put their asses on the line to defend civil rights, to defend the Constitution against "enemies both foreign and domestic," it's staggering (see illustration).  We have many of our kids out of school for ONE civil rights leader, but no such holiday for the hundreds of thousands who have served to protect your rights.  Does that sound right to you?

At the risk of seeming like a complete ass, one must consider the truth about MLK that no one wants to really discuss - and these are directly from Snopes.com.  

King was under FBI surveillance for several years (until he died) due to his ties with communist organizations throughout the country. King accepted money from the organizations to fund his movements. In return, King had to appoint communist leaders to run certain districts of his SCLC (Southern Christian Leadership Conference), who then could project their communist ideas to larger audiences. A federal judge in the 60's ruled that the FBI files on King links to communism to remain top-secret until 2027. Senator Jesse Helms appealed to the Supreme Court in 1983 to release the files, so the correct bill in the Senate to create the Martin Luther King Federal Holiday could be abolished. He was denied.

Okay, maybe that doesn't do it for you much.  Maybe you consider Snopes to be a propaganda wing of the GOP.  The ties to communist money may not be that big of a deal in light of some of the nightmare money being passed around in politics right now.  But it is important to note that we have a bloody national holiday for this cat. But wait!  There's more - again, from Snopes.com.

Martin Luther King Day. A day when this country will come to a screeching halt so we can have parades and memorials to honor this man, a man that most of the world views as a saint for his role in the civil rights movement. No other public holiday in the United States honors a single individual. Of all the great leaders in our Nation's history-none of them have their own holiday. All of our great war heroes share Memorial Day. All of our great presidents share President's Day.  

These points are indisputable.  King was who he was and he did great work for the civil rights movement in this country, but does he warrant a holiday over our veterans?  I argue in the negative.  If we're going to have a holiday for this man, we need all our kids out of school for our veterans because our veterans deserve it. As a policy, members of the Armed Services are not communists or socialists.  Period.  This isn't a liberal vs conservative issue.  This isn't a race issue.  This is an example of how we are teaching the next generation of Americans what is important to the elitists in this country, and not what it truly represents.

Veteran's Day is a federal holiday.  Banks are closed, the courtrooms are closed, the post office is quiet, and federal workers are getting a deserved break.  But for many of our public school systems, it's just "another day," and that sends a horrific message.  It tells our children that while we remember the war dead on Memorial Day, other holidays such as President's Day, Martin Luther King Day and of course, Labor Day are sufficient - our veterans are to be considered an after thought or a campaign slogan punch line.  Spring Break is allowed, as is Fall and Winter Break, but it is because of the veteran that these holidays can even be discussed, let alone celebrated. Our schools teach our children that it's okay to take time off from school to have an abortion, but it's not okay to take Veteran's Day off.

I'm sorry, but I think it's bullshit.

From now on, let's keep our kids out of school on Veteran's Day and send a message to the pansies that run our school systems that veterans matter and if they don't like it, they can kiss our red, white and blue asses - our Navy, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, Army and Air Force asses.

I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

On A Personal Note...

Politics, music, pop culture, movies, kids and the latest in computer technology have been what I've blathered on and on about.  With the election behind us and a new set of leaders heading to Washington, it's understandable.  Yet, I've been getting messages and emails from folks who would like me to write about what's happening in my life, my health issues and my battles against depression.  So, here goes...

After months and months of doctor's appointments, my diagnosis has been confirmed. The liver clinic at the VA hospital put together some pretty challenging treatment edicts and I've done a pretty good job of sticking with it.  My diet has changed dramatically whereas I am only allowed 2,000mg of sodium a day and I have to watch my sugar intake (diabetes) and if you don't think that's tough, limit your sodium for a couple days and you'll see what I mean.  Sodium is everywhere and in everything.

The aggregate result has been that my liver condition has sort of stabilized, it's still doing what it's supposed to do and the doc told me that I could go a year or maybe even ten years without needing a transplant.  So, that's good news.  I've lost a bunch of weight, still have to work on strength and endurance and combating the side effects of the billion pills a day I now have to take, but it's worth every nasty pill to get more time with my family, my loved ones, and to write this blog to piss off douchebag politicians.

Mentally, I'm going through some serious life changes right now, but hey - some amount of depression is understandable.  I think what's helped me more than anything is selecting a few people in my sphere of influence who have really expressed an interest, expressed concern, and held myself emotionally accountable to them.  Depression is a son of a bitch and it's relentless regardless of the medication one may be taking.  It latches itself onto the negativity in your life, the negative people in your surroundings and taunts you - and it will not give up.  What I have found is that elimination of those negative influences is the beginning of long term healing.  Or at least having the ability to cope.

All in all, I'm doing pretty well.  I'm more lucid and decisive than ever, and frankly, the 400lb Gorilla is back in the saddle and refusing to take anymore shit from anyone.  "Tempt not a desperate man."

Since I am baring all here, I thought I'd share part of my "Bucket List" and hopefully, I won't need them any time soon!!

Grand Canyon.  I've never been but I've heard so much about it and the photographs are stunning.

Pilot a Ferry.  I know that it would never happen but I would love to pilot the Seattle ferry from Seattle to Bremerton.

Tour the Naval Academy.  Worked with a lot a officers who were Naval Academy graduates, never had the chance to see it myself.

See the Governor's Mansion.  You'd think that all my time in politics in Oklahoma, I'd have seen the Governor's Mansion.  I haven't and would like to.

Space Needle.  Nope, I've never been up to the observation deck.

Have Coffee with Al McAffrey and Sally Kern.  At the same time.

Take a road trip to Amarillo for a bowl of chili.  Then come right back.

See Alaska.  I've always been fascinated by Alaska and I'm a fan of cold weather, so...

Those are just a few things I'd like to see someday and because my health has stabilized, I'm going to make plans to do just that.  So there.


Thanks for reading, indulging me.