Domestic Violence. Against Men?

Domestic violence.  We have laws to protect victims of domestic violence.  We have mandatory arrests being conducted on a daily basis of perpetrators of domestic violence. Thus far, the attention has been focused almost exclusively on women as victims.  As you'll see very soon, there is research that indicates men are, in fact, victims of physical domestic violence and that women are just as likely to be emotional or psychologically abusive to their partners as men.

As most of you know, I am a big music fan and I believe that music is an art form that often directly reflects the attitudes and acceptable societal norms.  This video, this song from the amazingly talented artist, Pink, makes light of the issue of domestic violence and psychological abuse of men.  And it's widely accepted as funny, as entertaining - but imagine for a moment it were a male artist performing this song about his female partner...

The message is that women can go completely insane on their lovers and at the end of the day, it's only for entertainment purposes. Get a load of this stanza:

"How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty.
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest.
But baby I don't mean it,
I mean it, I promise."

Again, if this were a man signing this song, there would be incredible outrage.  But let's say for the moment that you're not convinced by cultural displays of attitudes towards abusive women...let's look to hard research.

Here is a quote from a respected source (British Psychology Society) on the problem of domestic violence and in particular, violence against men:

While aggression in heterosexual relationships is believed to stem from men, a recent study presented on June 25 at a symposium on intimate partner violence (IPV) at the British Psychological Society's Division of Forensic Psychology annual conference in Glasgow, found women are more likely to be “intimate terrorists,” or physically aggressive to their partners than men.

But wait, there's more and this time from a completely different source:

Women engage in psychological aggression more than men (Muñoz-Rivas, et al., 2007) and their use of physical aggression is nearly equal to men (Parity, 2010)."

Let's take yet another look at the British Psychological Society's Division of Forensic Psychology and see what they have to say - pay attention (emphasis, mine).

However, when it came to terms of high levels of control and aggression, there was no difference between men and women. There was a higher prevalence of controlling behavior seen in women than men, which was found to significantly predict physical aggression in both sexes. In other words, the more controlling behavior a woman displayed, the more likely she would become an “intimate terrorist,” or physically aggressive to her partner.

What have we learned thus far?  Well, we have learned that the stigma affixed to domestic violence against men is ill-placed and the societal viewpoint that "men just can't be victims," is dead wrong.  The myth of the "weaker sex" is also hereby debunked as fantasy and perhaps should even be considered folklore in our contemporary culture.  Women are equally capable of psychological abuse and by some studies are even more likely to be "intimate terrorists" - I prefer the term "emotional vampire," but the impact is still the same.

It doesn't matter whether the woman is a 6' bodybuilder with a Black Belt in Karate or a 4'11" mousy little secretary with the temper of a dragon, women perpetrate violence against men and unfortunately, men just won't report it:

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, men and boys are less likely to report the violence and seek services due to several challenges such as the stigma of being a male victim. Sixteen percent of adult men who report being raped or physically assaulted are victims of a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, or date.

Yes, it's true - men are abused emotionally and physically and can experience depression and in some cases, even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  You're probably thinking that this is more than outrageous, perhaps even laughable.  But consider this:  The stigma of being emotionally abused or physically abused by a woman is immeasurable. In our culture, men are to be the standard bearers of strength and emotional disconnectedness.  That pressure of cultural norms coupled with the internal struggle the abuse itself often pushes men into a deep depression and post traumatic stress.  Just like women who are abused, men experience the physical manifestations of the emotional abuse by withdrawing from friends, spending more time isolating one's self, a decrease is sexual function, and in some extreme cases, career choices are made in order to eliminate the stress associated with abuse.

And then, there's this:

There are those of you reading this right now who are probably thinking that men who allow their partners to abuse them are "pussies" or "wimps" and aren't "real men."  But yet, when a woman is abused in the same manner, God help you if you call into question the legitimacy of her claims.  And if you think that the legal system has caught up with the societal norms, you're wrong.  Day after day in family courts across this land, lawyers are using the gender bias to their advantage for their clients and the men, well, they have to bend over and take it just like they have had to in the past - but now it's court sanctioned because a judge put his/her seal of approval on it.

While the laws are steadily improving at addressing various types of domestic violence more specifically, we, as men, are still not willing to accept the label of "victim," yet men are victims as well.  As a society, we outwardly frown upon physical or psychological abuse and rightly so.  However, behind our closed doors, the sad result of our ignorance on the issue is that we are teaching our children by example.  Our kids are bearing witness to the insane ideology that "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," when we should be teaching them, "If Momma is an abuser and has her head up her ass, it's unacceptable."

As parents, we thought we were doing the right thing by teaching our sons to control their tempers, and we were.  We have taught them that it is never acceptable to hit a woman.  Unfortunately, we have also taught them that the smartest thing you can do when dealing with angry women is to keep your mouth shut and wait for the storm to pass.  The only result is that the abuser feels vindicated, justified in their ridiculous behavior and the storm increases in intensity and depth - before you know it, you're dealing with an emotional disaster that would even make Katrina blush.  In the process of attempting to reduce domestic violence incidents, we have taught our daughters that they can behave however their emotions dictate without fear or consequence.  It is a swinging pendulum, folks.  Look, I am NOT suggesting that you go smack your wife around.  What I am suggesting, is that it's time to take those skeletons out of the closet and teach them to dance.

Here are some things that men can do to protect themselves.  Of course, these are just my opinion, filled to overflowing with commentary...

1.  Listen to friends.  If your friends tell you that she's batshit crazy, listen.  No circumstance is so bad that you can allow crazy to rule your life.  I've done it and it damned near killed me.  Don't make the same mistake.

2.  No third chances.  If she screws up once, that's fine and we should forgive.  There will be clear evidence if it was an honest mistake or the harbinger of abusive behavior in the future.  If she is abusing in the beginning of the relationship, you can rest assured that it's going to only get worse over time.  Not only that, but staying in that situation will only serve to weaken your defenses until finally, that one day, you explode.

3.  Call law enforcement.  As the research shows, men are less likely to report cases of physical abuse, but it has to be done.  Don’t waste your time calling friends or family because they are limited in what they can do and if you are calling a member of the abuser's family, you're an idiot and should probably stay where you are.  The fact of the matter is that law enforcement has their hands tied by the law - when they arrive, if there are injuries, the other person goes to jail.  So, it's critical that you remove yourself from the situation and THEN contact law enforcement before she has the time to fake injuries.  Let the truth speak for itself.

4.  Get your kids to safety.  Whether it be blended families or biological kids, if they see abuse of the physical or psychological nature, get them the hell out of there.  Not only is the situation volatile, but it's setting a horrible precedent.  If you have daughters and the abuser is a female, they will learn that men are pussies and there is a chance that the emotional scarring will be carried into future relationships.  In most cases, abuse is a learned behavior and not a genetic flaw.  Sure, some have the propensity for violent outbursts, but let’s be honest – our behaviors impact our kids more than we will ever admit.

5.  Do not hire a female attorney.  Forgive me for saying so, but it is virtually impossible for a female attorney to ever think that a man could be or would be abused and she will simply NOT represent you or your best interests.  They deal with male abuser after male abuser and more often than not, will consider your mental anguish and distress as bullshit.  And if your attorney doesn't fully get behind you, you have lost before you started.

6. Document everything. If you're married and it's too late to escape cleanly, you've got to have your shit together and that means documenting everything. If it's physical abuse, take photographs of the abuse and distribute to your closest friends to hang on to for you. When the psychological abuse occurs, write that stuff down and keep it in a journal.

The problem isn't going to go away.  It's part of our culture, part of our societal DNA and it's only going to get worse.  There are a few good resources out there, but the best thing men can do is share what they are experiencing with those who love and care.  Typically, they will support the victim and provide valuable insight as to where to go and what to do.  In the midst of the psychological blood-letting, it's hard to make reasoned decisions so the victim must, at all costs, surround himself with like-minded individuals.  Abusers, in some cases, are so caught up in their own egomaniacal bullshit that it doesn't even register that they are hurting someone.  If we don't change, we are going to end up with a nation filled to overflowing with pussified men who are afraid of their own shadows.  If we can't defend ourselves, how in the hell will we be able to defend our nation?

This is just my opinion (accompanied by hardcore research) and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.


Gorilla

Finding Middle Ground

In life, most human beings attempt to find compromise whenever conflict comes about.  It's in our nature to try to get along with one another, with the occasional rift and bug up our collective butts to stir the pot.  But generally, society tries to get along with one another.  In political rhetoric during campaigns, there is very little talk of compromise.  Once they get into office, however, the name of the game is compromise and that's not always a bad thing. In relationships, however, it is critical to be able to find middle ground, to pick our battles wisely. More often than not, however, egos get in the way, perception and image overrule our ability to truly identify that which would grow and strengthen the relationship.  In truth, that's where we absolutely go against human nature and feed off the decaying flesh of our dark existence.

Take, for example, talk radio.  In order for talk radio to maintain listeners, there must be an antagonist for every show.  In some cases, the protagonist (host) will make one up for each segment - the devil in every bush kind of dialog.  The purpose is to give listeners a reason to feel compassion for the host, to align themselves ideologically on a specific topic of importance.  Talk radio is big on the issue of illegal immigration.  Why?  Because it's an 80 percentile issue - 80% of people in this country believe there is a problem with current immigration policy.  Keeping in mind that the vast majority of listeners to talk radio are pretty conservative and dominate the 54 + demographic, you'll see hosts hint at issues of yesteryear that we all remember and get pissed off about in order to keep you listening.  I say this as a former talk show host, so I know the tricks of the trade and the bigger the name, the bigger the tricks are.  Some talk show hosts don't even fully believe the crap they're spewing but they do it just to piss people off and keep them listening.  Forget finding middle ground where talk radio is concerned.  It will never happen because in order for talk radio to survive, it must, by its very nature, be confrontational.

Let's talk about the institution of marriage, shall we?  You have two people who love each other (at least

initially), and they decide to surrender themselves to another.  In most cases, the surrender includes identity, emotion, and in extreme cases, spirituality as well.  This is agreed upon, mind you, at the very beginning.  The whole "two become one flesh" thing is repeated over and over until it's part of our DNA. Sadly, what it doesn't deal with is the fact that even within the marriage, there must be individuality. It's when two people truly are themselves that legitimate compromise can be established.  For example, if you have two people in a marriage who are very different in personality, in tastes and one of those two feels as though in order to keep the peace, he/she must change who they are systemically and mold themselves into the image the spouse desires.  You see, the problem with that is if a human being decides to give up their identity, their persona, the frustration  and battle that rages internally will eventually manifest itself.  Circumstantial compromise is acceptable in a marriage, but not compromise of identity.

As a culture, we're less and less likely to find middle ground.  We love to fight.  We love the adrenaline rush, the surge of blood to our minds as we prepare to launch into action.  We're addicted to the fight.  We want to fight.  If you don't believe that, just consider how many lawyers we graduate and are accepted to the Bar each year...

But I digress.

If we are to regain some sense of our humanity, our compassionate and caring side that I know is still there somewhere, we have to turn off the television, turn off the damned radio and actually interact with one another.  We must have compassion, rather than simply a passion for our own agenda - it doesn't work in personal relationships, it can't work as a cultural norm. We must make a conscious effort to listen with the intention of hearing and understanding, not merely the intention to reply.  Whether it be politics, talk radio or marriage, we must remember those differences among us are more than just a cause for battle.  They are the fabric of humanity. There will never come a time that we all stand together as one - no one is that stupid.  Without individuality constantly presenting an opposing view, there would never be change or growth.  We would become a truly stagnant society.  But yet, it is within our ability to celebrate our differences, to reach a middle ground on issues without sacrificing who we are or what we believe.  The problem is that we would rather fight than be happy and afford those around us the opportunity to be happy as well.  We want to win at all costs and we don't care what kind of damage we cause in the process.  If we don't change, we're doomed.  Hell, it may be too late.

Of course, I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Yes to MLK, No to Veterans

Public schools are a wonderful topic of discussion and it always gets folks riled up and ready to fight.  I remember discussing things like district administrative consolidation while on WKY, and you could actually hear heads explode. This blog post will be no different.  As you know, I'm a proud United States Navy veteran and veteran's issues are near and dear to my heart.  I'm not going to pull any punches, so put on a cup.  You've been warned.

Veteran's Day 2014 is upon us and many of our public schools are open for business.  It's wrong - particularly at a time when some of the kids in school right now have parents in forward deployed units.  In other words, our schools show a great deal of love for Martin Luther King Day, but Veteran's Day is, well, not that important because after all - there's Memorial Day, right?

Wrong.

[Note: Note:  If you dare think this is about race, stop now.  Your IQ will only continue it's rapid decline on matters of political importance as the facts continue to present themselves and you'll make everyone else dumber by your presence.]

Martin Luther King was a civil rights pioneer who was killed for his beliefs. Our country is arguably a much better place because he was here - MLK is an American icon, to be sure.  He was taken from us far too early by a racist pile of human excrement, yet, without our veterans, without men and women willing to stand a post and put their lives on the line, Martin Luther King would have not even been a blip on the radar. None of us would be, come to think of it.  Our civil rights would not exist as we understand them today.  As a matter of fact, when you consider the sheer numbers of men and women in this country who were willing to put their asses on the line to defend civil rights, to defend the Constitution against "enemies both foreign and domestic," it's staggering (see illustration).  We have many of our kids out of school for ONE civil rights leader, but no such holiday for the hundreds of thousands who have served to protect your rights.  Does that sound right to you?

At the risk of seeming like a complete ass, one must consider the truth about MLK that no one wants to really discuss - and these are directly from Snopes.com.  

King was under FBI surveillance for several years (until he died) due to his ties with communist organizations throughout the country. King accepted money from the organizations to fund his movements. In return, King had to appoint communist leaders to run certain districts of his SCLC (Southern Christian Leadership Conference), who then could project their communist ideas to larger audiences. A federal judge in the 60's ruled that the FBI files on King links to communism to remain top-secret until 2027. Senator Jesse Helms appealed to the Supreme Court in 1983 to release the files, so the correct bill in the Senate to create the Martin Luther King Federal Holiday could be abolished. He was denied.

Okay, maybe that doesn't do it for you much.  Maybe you consider Snopes to be a propaganda wing of the GOP.  The ties to communist money may not be that big of a deal in light of some of the nightmare money being passed around in politics right now.  But it is important to note that we have a bloody national holiday for this cat. But wait!  There's more - again, from Snopes.com.

Martin Luther King Day. A day when this country will come to a screeching halt so we can have parades and memorials to honor this man, a man that most of the world views as a saint for his role in the civil rights movement. No other public holiday in the United States honors a single individual. Of all the great leaders in our Nation's history-none of them have their own holiday. All of our great war heroes share Memorial Day. All of our great presidents share President's Day.  

These points are indisputable.  King was who he was and he did great work for the civil rights movement in this country, but does he warrant a holiday over our veterans?  I argue in the negative.  If we're going to have a holiday for this man, we need all our kids out of school for our veterans because our veterans deserve it. As a policy, members of the Armed Services are not communists or socialists.  Period.  This isn't a liberal vs conservative issue.  This isn't a race issue.  This is an example of how we are teaching the next generation of Americans what is important to the elitists in this country, and not what it truly represents.

Veteran's Day is a federal holiday.  Banks are closed, the courtrooms are closed, the post office is quiet, and federal workers are getting a deserved break.  But for many of our public school systems, it's just "another day," and that sends a horrific message.  It tells our children that while we remember the war dead on Memorial Day, other holidays such as President's Day, Martin Luther King Day and of course, Labor Day are sufficient - our veterans are to be considered an after thought or a campaign slogan punch line.  Spring Break is allowed, as is Fall and Winter Break, but it is because of the veteran that these holidays can even be discussed, let alone celebrated. Our schools teach our children that it's okay to take time off from school to have an abortion, but it's not okay to take Veteran's Day off.

I'm sorry, but I think it's bullshit.

From now on, let's keep our kids out of school on Veteran's Day and send a message to the pansies that run our school systems that veterans matter and if they don't like it, they can kiss our red, white and blue asses - our Navy, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, Army and Air Force asses.

I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

On A Personal Note...

Politics, music, pop culture, movies, kids and the latest in computer technology have been what I've blathered on and on about.  With the election behind us and a new set of leaders heading to Washington, it's understandable.  Yet, I've been getting messages and emails from folks who would like me to write about what's happening in my life, my health issues and my battles against depression.  So, here goes...

After months and months of doctor's appointments, my diagnosis has been confirmed. The liver clinic at the VA hospital put together some pretty challenging treatment edicts and I've done a pretty good job of sticking with it.  My diet has changed dramatically whereas I am only allowed 2,000mg of sodium a day and I have to watch my sugar intake (diabetes) and if you don't think that's tough, limit your sodium for a couple days and you'll see what I mean.  Sodium is everywhere and in everything.

The aggregate result has been that my liver condition has sort of stabilized, it's still doing what it's supposed to do and the doc told me that I could go a year or maybe even ten years without needing a transplant.  So, that's good news.  I've lost a bunch of weight, still have to work on strength and endurance and combating the side effects of the billion pills a day I now have to take, but it's worth every nasty pill to get more time with my family, my loved ones, and to write this blog to piss off douchebag politicians.

Mentally, I'm going through some serious life changes right now, but hey - some amount of depression is understandable.  I think what's helped me more than anything is selecting a few people in my sphere of influence who have really expressed an interest, expressed concern, and held myself emotionally accountable to them.  Depression is a son of a bitch and it's relentless regardless of the medication one may be taking.  It latches itself onto the negativity in your life, the negative people in your surroundings and taunts you - and it will not give up.  What I have found is that elimination of those negative influences is the beginning of long term healing.  Or at least having the ability to cope.

All in all, I'm doing pretty well.  I'm more lucid and decisive than ever, and frankly, the 400lb Gorilla is back in the saddle and refusing to take anymore shit from anyone.  "Tempt not a desperate man."

Since I am baring all here, I thought I'd share part of my "Bucket List" and hopefully, I won't need them any time soon!!

Grand Canyon.  I've never been but I've heard so much about it and the photographs are stunning.

Pilot a Ferry.  I know that it would never happen but I would love to pilot the Seattle ferry from Seattle to Bremerton.

Tour the Naval Academy.  Worked with a lot a officers who were Naval Academy graduates, never had the chance to see it myself.

See the Governor's Mansion.  You'd think that all my time in politics in Oklahoma, I'd have seen the Governor's Mansion.  I haven't and would like to.

Space Needle.  Nope, I've never been up to the observation deck.

Have Coffee with Al McAffrey and Sally Kern.  At the same time.

Take a road trip to Amarillo for a bowl of chili.  Then come right back.

See Alaska.  I've always been fascinated by Alaska and I'm a fan of cold weather, so...

Those are just a few things I'd like to see someday and because my health has stabilized, I'm going to make plans to do just that.  So there.


Thanks for reading, indulging me.

How Safe Are We Really?

I had the honor of working with then Oklahoma Corporation Commissioner Denise Bode on her Congressional campaign and at first, a lot of the topics, the discussions were a little over my head.  Denise is one of those people who is probably too intelligent for her own good, so it took a bit for me to catch up.  However, one of the topics of conversation that recurred regularly was that of "critical infrastructure."  It began to make sense, the picture came into focus and a bright, happy "a-ha" moment followed.  

1. Critical infrastructure is a term used by governments to describe assets that are essential for the functioning of a society and economy. Most commonly associated with the term are facilities for: electricity generation, transmission and distribution...

The Oklahoma Corporation Commission regulates about 80% of the Oklahoma economy, yet is one of the most overlooked departments in government - unless, of course, you're in the oil and gas industry.  The Corporation Commission has been warning the Legislature for a very long time about needed improvements and safety measures for Oklahoma's critical infrastructure - oil and gas pipeline distribution networks, power transmission lines, etc. but for some reason it just hasn't stuck.  And then, I saw an article this week that not only reminded me of Denise Bode (the head of the American Wind Energy Association now), but her words reverberated in my head and made me ask just how safe we are today, really.

The story was circulating in Washington about malware Trojan horses being used by Russia to potentially attack our critical infrastructure, but in energy producing states like Oklahoma and Texas, there was very little talk about it - if any at all.  Certainly one could expect a candidate for public office at least pretend to address the issue, but sadly, there was nothing.  

States like Oklahoma and Texas must wake up to the reality that there are super bad guys out there who will target our transmission infrastructure and basically cripple us as a nation.  We have become wickedly dependent upon electronics, electric gadgetry and were we to lose access, we would run around like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off.  It's time to get our legislators to at least discuss this topic and propose some ideas as to how we can improve and prepare for just such an attack.

Denise Bode lost her bid for Congress to now Governor Mary Fallin, and she went on to head up the American Clean Skies Foundation and now, at the American Wind Energy Association.  Her words are ringing true today and we had damned well better pay attention.  Like Denise or not, she was and is right on this issue.

Of course, that's just my opinion and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Ron "Gorilla" Black

Down At the Political Crossroads

GOP Congressional candidates campaigned on restoring Constitutional consistency, on providing "conservative" answers to President Obama's "failed policies."  Well, according to an article on NewsOk.com, these same Republicans are preparing to work and reach compromises with the Administration they just a few days ago ripped to shreds.  Representative Tom Cole, ever the statesman, provides his always centrist position as stated in the article:

Rep. Tom Cole, R-Moore, who sailed to a seventh term on Tuesday, said, “Voters are going to keep firing people until we can work together. I don’t think they’re very patient with any of us right now, either party or either party’s leadership.”

While I would argue that voters are going to continue to fire people who are willing to compromise and break all of their campaign promises, it's understandable that Cole desires a peaceful arbitration with an otherwise hostile, lame duck Administration.  But it is rather revealing, isn't it?  Here's another gem from the statesman:

Also, Cole said, Congress could give the president more authority to make trade deals. Cole said Obama was not going to repeal the Affordable Care Act but that some changes could be made, including repeal of the tax on medical devices and a change in the way full-time workers are defined.

I am officially confused.  I thought the President was generally incapable of making meaningful decisions in the best interest of this nation and its future, but Cole is saying that Congress could give this President MORE authority to make trade deals?  Really?  What the hell are we missing, kids?  What in the hell did these Republicans campaign on and why is there such willingness to cast aside the hard line stances taken while on the campaign trail only 24 hours after the election?  

Congress has about a 10% approval rating, but we retain about 90% of them.  What in the hell is the EPA putting in our water?

In all seriousness, Tom Cole has built his political reputation on being a statesman and is by far one of the best interviews I ever had on WKY - he doesn't shy away from questions and he has a great voice and understanding of soundbites.   Cole's desire is to see things work in Washington, to avoid gridlock and to actually accomplish something meaningful and shouldn't be faulted for that.  I like Congressman Cole and I believe that he serves his 4th District constituency very well, but I just disagree with his willingness to compromise this early in the game.

And then, there's Senator-elect James "the Baptist" Lankford.  Read this part of Casteel's story very, very closely.

Lankford said that would be a mistake, that the U.S. Constitution was framed to require the legislative and executive branches to have their respective roles. The president has been far too reluctant to engage on legislation and far too ready to issue executive orders, Lankford said.

“You can’t do this solo,’’ he said. “If he continues to do that, it sets a bad principle for where we’re going.”

"Sets a bad principle for where we're going."  Tough words?  Not so much.  It's tantamount to a parent telling his/her child that if they keep acting up, they are going to continue to be told not to act up, damn it.  Look, Congress has dropped the ball on immigration issues and continues to drop the ball and part of the reason is limp wristed responses like Lankford's to the Administration's complete lack of concern for the Constitution.  

I'll say it again: Congress has dropped the ball on immigration and the issue SHOULD be handled by Congress.  But do you really want to know why there's nothing but rhetoric on this issue rather than action?  Here it is in a nutshell:

Republican Chamber types don't want real reform because big business gets cheap labor.  Democrats don't want change because illegal immigrants add to their voting base and will continue to do so.

Down at the Crossroads...

Senator-elect Lankford is a swell, guy, I'm sure.  We elected him to Congress where he did nothing about immigration and now, in the Senate, he'll do the same.  So, the next time you hear blather about compromise and "shame on you" stump speeches, remember exactly what they've said when the next election cycle comes along.  

It's understandable that everyone wants to get along on the playground that is Washington D.C., but it does make one wonder if there isn't a Crossroads Demon lurking somewhere...

That's just my opinion, and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Ron "Gorilla" Black

 

Election Result Hangover

If you were looking for upsets in the state of Oklahoma on election night, you probably went to bed not feeling so good.  On a Judicial level, there were a few minor tremors, but nothing earth shattering.  So, let's take a look, shall we?

Governor
Governor Mary Fallin defeated former State Representative Joe Dorman in a race that was a little closer than  most pundits imagined.  I believed that Fallin would win by at least 20 points and that is not because of anything horribly wrong about Joe Dorman, but rather because Governor Fallin's campaign staff are some of the best in the business and they simply don't lose.  Joe made some mistakes, to be sure - like having a staff of relative newbies to the statewide political game, young people with a ton of energy but not a lot of experience. When facing a formidable opponent like Governor Fallin, without the best of the best, you're showing up to a gun fight with a spaghetti noodle.

Lt. Governor
Todd Lamb defeated Cathy Cummings.  No surprise.  At all.  Except that she garnered 30% of the vote.  In four years, look for Lt. Governor Lamb run for the Governor's Mansion. 

Superintendent of Public Instruction
Joy Hofmeister fought a hell of a fight against the outgoing Superintendent and faced a pretty tough opponent, however, her biggest opponent was really the negative press that her consulting firm received.  When Chad Alexander got arrested, the media was quick to jump all over it and they hung it around her neck.  And then there's the ethics investigation by the District Attorney...who knows where that will end up?  Her Democratic opponent ran a pretty clean race, and only brought up the issues that the media had already addressed.  It was a tight race for much of the evening, but she pulled it out in the end.  And yes, she is super attractive.  That didn't hurt her at all.

Labor Commissioner
Snooze City.  Costello (R) defeated a morbidly under funded Workman.  This race is emblematic of the problems in the Oklahoma Democratic Party.  The Democrats on a national level have pretty much written off Oklahoma as the northernmost suburb of Texas and just isn't financially supporting the party enough for Democratic candidates to gain any traction in statewide elections.  This is an indicator of things to come for the Oklahoma Democratic Party.  In order for the ODP to maintain any sense of relevancy in Oklahoma, it must embrace its Blue Dog roots, otherwise they may as well close up shop.

Congress
A Republican sweep in Oklahoma.  If you are surprised by that, you're an idiot and probably can't read this anyway.  It is significant to note that for the first time in God knows how long, Oklahoma has sent a Veteran to Washington rather than some entitled career politician - and we've sent a war veteran.  Perhaps now we can see some movement where revitalizing the Veteran's Administration is concerned. 

U.S. Senate
Senator Inhofe won, again, and replacing Tom Coburn is none other than James Lankford.  One can only hope that he's more effective in the Senate than he was in the U.S. House.  Senator-elect Lankford is a nice man and he received a lot of support from the Oklahoma GOP - just as he did in his House race. 

Judicial
The one race that I watched for the Bench was that of Judge Roger Stuart.  Stuart narrowly defeated Amy Palumbo by 1% of the vote - and no doubt the Palumbo camp will ask for a recount.  Stuart was and is one hell of a good Judge.  He handled one of the toughest courtrooms in all of Oklahoma - the Juvenile Court.  Tragic stories, one after another, and this man handled it with grace and common sense.  Why Palumbo even ran against him is a mystery. 

What did we learn?
The electorate is really, really pissed off at this administration and it looks like the GOP Congressional victories are evidence therein.  For a President whose administration saw the killing of Bin Laden, it's unbelievable the backlash that has been unleashed in Washington.  And yes, this mid-term election was and is to be considered somewhat of a referendum.  2016 is going to be wickedly entertaining.

We also learned that Oklahoma is still, and will continue to be, a very red state.  The GOP owns this place and will continue to for the foreseeable future. The GOP inertia was begun by Gary Jones, and under his leadership, the Republicans took the State House for the first time in like a million years and after him, Matt Pinnell rode the wave and helped even more candidates see victories in otherwise Democratic districts.

What can we expect?

You can expect another push at hardcore tort reform.  You can also expect to see another push to change the worker's compensation laws.  And of course, there'll be more pro-Jesus legislation to come out of the House because of the number of pastors or wives of pastors who reside there.  We can also expect to see one hell of a push by the State Chamber to quiet the voices who have strongly advocated for immigration reform on a state level - the big guns of the Chamber membership consider that to be no bueno (for obvious reasons).  

You can NOT expect to see any movement toward ballot access or legalization of medical marijuana.  Even though the uber-conservative Colorado (home of Focus on the Family) has legalized marijuana, don't expect the Sooner State to do so anytime soon.  If Oklahoma were to do something as radical as that, the earth would probably stop spinning on its axis and Pastor Paul Blair would convert to Catholicism - neither are very likely.


Ron "Gorilla" Black

These Truths...

Truth is truth and no matter how we try to mask it, cover it up, dress it up and put lipstick on it, we can't avoid that reality.  For me, there are some realities in politics that hold true and cannot ever be disputed.  The following is a compilation of truths that for me, cannot be argued nor will I ever be moved away from them.

Evil exists in all parties.  Republicans, Democrats, Independents, and Libertarians have both good and bad in their parties.  When we try to label someone predicated on their political party affiliation, we make ourselves out to be idiots.  I once had a zealot Republican tell me that no matter what, he would vote for a Republican over a Democrat.  To me, that's just plain stupid.  And you know what they say...you can't fix stupid.

Single-issue candidates will always cause more problems than they will solve.  As a pro-life individual who has come full circle on the issue of the death penalty, I see candidates whose only talking point is that of abortion.  Or guns.  Or immigration.  Or Obamacare.  These are people from whom we must keep a safe distance because they are usually completely ignorant on the other issues that impact us on a daily basis.  Like the tax code.

Political consultants are a big problem.  I say this because I have consulted on a number of successful campaigns, yet I have seen some exceptionally dark personalities permeate the fabric of the Oklahoma political scene.  It's all about cash flow for these bottom-feeding creatures who parade candidates out there, let them get shot at, meanwhile they hide behind the "I'm just a consultant" mantra.  Beware of these men and women.

Real world experience matters.  There was an independent candidate for Congress a few years back that represented everything I believe in for a political candidate.  A Navy SEAL, an inventor, a patent holder, a small business owner and a fiscal conservative.  He chose to run as an Independent because he saw the corruption in the GOP political apparatus and didn't want to be a part of it.  Sadly, he was convinced to drop out of the race before the public really got to know him.  He had real world experience that would have served Oklahoma well, but instead, well...you know the rest of the story.

The two party system in Oklahoma is ridiculous.  We have heard the arguments about the cost of opening up the election process to more than the two parties we have now, blah blah blah.  But every couple of years, we really don't get much of a choice and the arrogance of party leadership on either side of the aisle to exclude even Libertarians is appalling.  It's time to fix that.

So, there you have it.  A thumbnail sketch of my general thoughts on politics.  We are in the middle of one great big mess in this country as well as in this state.  We can fix it, we can solve these problems.  We just have to sack up and tell the status quo to kiss our collective asses.

Ron "Gorilla" Black

Election Day Blues and Tuesday Tackiness

Election Blues
We have been given an amazing right in this country to cast a vote for those who will lead/serve us as government employees - and let's make sure that we understand it correctly:  They are government employees.  Period.  Many have come before us to lay down their lives for this incredible right and freedom to cast our vote, but when we really look at the field of candidates I find myself wondering if this is what our Founding Fathers really had in mind.

I would argue, probably not.

Career politicians who have made the cut long before the ugliness of campaigns tarnished their initial entrance into this disaster called "politics," want-to-be career politicians who have no real world experience whatsoever in the private sector, and religious zealots who have forgotten that the Constitution has never been before any Council and deemed to be canon.  It's a disaster, it's a mess, and it's a mess that we can fix - if we really cared enough to fix the mess.  But we don't.

And that's okay too.  Being part of a free society affords us the right to vote or not to vote, to elect douchebags or not to elect douchebags.  The difficulty lies in our ability to determine what individual candidates are one or the other.  During the campaign, candidates often portray themselves as saintly little angels who are running for elective office simply to improve our quality of life and fight for freedom.  But behind the scenes, and more accurately once they are elected, they are ravenous piles of flesh eating bacteria whose only goal is to protect their own asses.  One only need look at the number of Oklahoma's term-limited legislators who run for other offices such as County jobs or even statewide posts just to maintain that connection to the taxpayer teat.

But I digress.

Housing Alarms
When I worked with the Trinity Foundation on the Oklahoma Project, one of the causal factors for the project itself was this unimaginable problem with affordable housing.  The Trinity Foundation (unfortunately best known for investigations of fraudulent televangelists) determined that for every homeless person or family, there exists a church, mosque or synagogue in this country.  Now, with those numbers in mind, if each of those faith communities took in one family or person, provided adequate housing, transportation and even a chance for work, homelessness as we know it today would be eradicated - something we read about in our history books.  Now, there will always be the chronically transient, but it is significant that the problem itself could be so impacted.

And we haven't even begun to discuss the number of veterans who are struggling with housing issues.  The VA tries, the Salvation Army tries, but unless you're a drug addict, severely medicated, chronically transient, or have a drinking problem, it's not as though you're going to be at the head of the class.  The process is horrific and intensely slow and God help you if you're marginally coherent and need help.  In essence, bend over because you're about to be f...

I've recently had experiences to ensure that it is solidified in my brain that housing is and will continue to be an issue impacting the problem of poverty.  And the problem isn't going away anytime soon.  The cost for multifamily housing is increasing, the cost for utilities are increasing and the deposits alone can preclude the poorest among us from obtaining adequate housing.  And this whole "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mantra that has been adopted by my political party (GOP), is bullshit.  It's an excuse to ignore the problem and do nothing about it themselves.  But that's a whole different topic...

Well, those are my thoughts for the day.  Get out and vote.  Or don't.  It's your choice.

Gorilla

Random Catching Up

No one REALLY likes change, but it is a necessary part of life. It often hits us by surprise, but there are also those moments when you know that something is coming down the pike, but you're just not sure what it is.  Those are the times when change fundamentally rearranges our world view and forces us, like a puppy with its nose swatted with a newspaper, to see things differently and prepare us for the inevitable.

We saw it with the resurgence of terrorist organizations and times are so bizarre that in Oklahoma, a woman was beheaded by an Islamic extremist. In Oklahoma. The terrorist attended a mosque just south of the 39th Expressway, barely east of Portland and how that place hasn't been retaliated against is beyond me.  Times are definitely changing. 

Divorce and Marriage

I've been working on a book, a biography of sorts for about two years now and in it, I talk about Oklahoma's obsession with "saving marriage."   My take on it is different than most - particularly the legislative Pharisees who think they know what is best for all of us. They believe that it should be more difficult to get a divorce.  I think it should be easier to divorce, but more difficult to get married.  

People divorce because things go to shit in a marriage and usually, the causal factor is a lack of knowledge of who the spouse REALLY is at heart - and that doesn't usually present itself right away. 

I propose a waiting period for marriage licenses and a fast track for divorce.  The blood sucking divorce lawyers will hate it but most of them are possessed little fucking trolls anyway.  

Expect more thoughts from your friendly Gorilla in the near future.  There's a lot to be said and not many saying it. 

Butch "Gorilla" Black

It Truly Is the Little Things...

Over the last few months, I've shared with you some of the health struggles I've faced and many of the ongoing battles with the Veteran's Administration.  I've shared my joys, my frustrations and even my pain and a couple of my innermost secrets, battles with depression.  So, in this weekend edition, I thought I'd continue that trend...but talk about some of the little things that really get me going.  I hope you enjoy.

A Text Message
Yes, something as simple as a little old text message can make the day a joyous time or it can frustrate the crap out of me.  Receiving a message from my son, Matt in Seattle, just makes me smile - he always ends it with, "I love you, Dad."  Sure, he's 34 and I'm 50, but damn it, it makes me happier than hell to get that message from the boy.  Our relationship hasn't always been stellar but the last couple years or so, it's really blossomed and I thank the heavens for it every day.  He's turned out to be one hell of a father himself, and according to his beautiful wife, Kristina, an excellent husband as well.    The same goes for Mason, Madison too.  A simple message from them and I am elated.

The Library
Yes, the public library.  I've grown fond of the public library, the people who frequent it and the history and essence of the library.  Each of one the books in the building represent a piece of someone's life - something that meant so much to them, they put pen to paper and shared with the rest of the world.  It's an amazing feeling to be surrounded with such work when you think about it that way.  Silly, I know, but I've grown to appreciate just how much effort really goes into the written word since I started work on my history, a book if you will.

Technology
Is technology one of those "little things?"  I think it is because it is so pervasive in our culture and yes, we often take it for granted - at least I know that I do.  Technology in many ways make our lives so much easier, but we're also dependent upon this same technology - hell, Facebook has become a subculture of its own in recent years.  Our smart phones are getting smarter, our ability to stay connected with folks who are thousands of miles away has become easy and frankly, I love every bit of it.

Smile From A Stranger
Have you ever just had a really shitty day and you walk into the grocery store, determined to get in and out quickly, leaving as few casualties as possible, only to see that one person looking at you with a familiar gaze and then, the inevitable happens:  They smile.  It's over.  No longer am I pissed off, no longer am I angry or frustrated, but it seems to wash away because that one person who could be struggling with an even more difficult life than I, but yet found the inner resolve to just smile.  It's refreshing.  I think we all need to do that more often.  Just mile at each other.

An Hour Without Pain
I know it sounds ridiculous, but going for periods of time without pain is an enormous joy and I can usually get a great deal accomplished in that time.  An hour without pain is a God-send.  It's been a long time since I've gone pain-free and every moment that I get, I cherish.

Not really sure why I decided to blog about these things, not sure that any of you reading this (or not reading this) will give a shit one way or the other what I think or feel.

Depression Is Serious

The news of Robin Williams' death was a shocker to most all of us who would consider ourselves fans of the actor/comedian.  He was such a shining star, a happy face and amazing talent that made us all laugh at one point or another.  His serious roles in front of the camera were equally wonderful.  But then, we got the news.

Robin Williams had committed suicide.

His family and close friends knew that he had suffered from bouts of depression, that there were moments where he felt as though he just couldn't go on.  This had apparently been going on for years, perhaps even decades.  All the signs were there, the ones closest to him knew that he was depressed, so how was this allowed to happen?  Why wasn't there some type of intervention or precautionary actions taken?

These are questions that may never be answered, and that my friends, is tragic.

I too suffer from depression, receive medical care for it and coupled with my other health problems, there are really good days and there are really bad days.  I would be lying if I tried to tell you that there are days when I'm pushed to my limit and I consider ending my own life.  I have friends and family who know that there are days like this, and now the whole universe knows, but that doesn't stop the thoughts from crossing my mind.

The leap from "thinking, or considering" to actually "doing" is a long one - and one that isn't traversed easily.  This being said, here are a few thoughts on the whole subject and my advice as to what folks should do if they have a loved one suffering from depression.  Mind you, I'm not a shrink and this advice isn't worth dehydrated dog poop.  But I'm giving it anyway.

1.  Ask questions.  If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong with your loved one, you're probably right.  And if you're wrong, it's not going to hurt to simply ask a few questions about how he/she is feeling, what's going on in there lives.  Do not be afraid to ask.

2.  Stay in touch.  In our crazy world, it's easy to get caught up in our routines and put off a simple text message or social media message or even a phone call.  That one phone call could be the saving grace for that person on that day.  And I know that this is a real long shot, but if you live close by, make the trip and say hello face-to-face.  Your smile, your face your embrace can mean the world to someone who is depressed.

3.  Get help.  If you feel as though you're in over your head, that you're not sure how to deal with someone who is struggling with depression, don't think that you're somehow not a great friend to that person.  Depression is a son of a bitch and not everyone is equipped to handle it in themselves or in a dear one.  Tag-team if you have to.  Bring another friend or family member with you to visit, or ask them for their advice as to how to proceed.  Just like in number 1 above, don't be afraid to ask.

4.  Kiss conventional wisdom goodbye.  You see, guys like me aren't supposed to be depressed.  We're the ones with the good jokes, the smiles and witty retorts.  That's bullshit.  Outgoing people, extroverts suffer from depression just like everyone else.  Sometimes, it's even tougher and hits harder because of the pressure that goes along with the expectation that we're always supposed to be at the top of our game.  That too is bullshit.

Depression is a son of a bitch, and not only can it lead to attempts on one's life, but the side effects are horrific as well. It can destroy the human body, eating away at itself like a flesh-eating virus that begins in the very soul.

Here are a list of resources out there.  Share them, use them.

A Delay By Any Other Name...

And the continuing saga of the Veteran's Administration hospital in Oklahoma City lingers on, once again, friends.  Today was supposed to be the appointment that brought together answers relating to my health that would potentially give real insight as to what the hell is going on with me.  Of course, the appointment was postponed - but only after a three hour wait and blood work at the hospital.

The level of frustration has almost reached biblical proportions.

First, the appointment had previously been rescheduled/cancelled as a result of an ER visit.  I had no idea that if you go to the ER, all of your appointments get pushed back thirty days. 

Second, I had no idea that when I arrived, I would have to head to another floor for lab work prior to the procedure.  While I had completely the lab work before the set time of the appointment for my procedure, I got pushed to the back of the line, but this was also due in part to an emergency patient who needed his procedure stat. 

Lastly, if the damned near 3 hour wait wasn't enough, when I got called back, I was informed that the appointment had been cancelled and the soonest it could be rescheduled was for a week or so from today.  

Yeah.  I was pretty pissed off.

It took me a while, but eventually, I calmed down and came to the stark realization that I am still very lucky to have any care and I should be thankful.  At least I have some sort of idea as to what my health problems are, and I have to believe that if it were truly bad, they would not ave postponed my biopsies.  So, there.

Sometimes We Just Can't Help Ourselves

Walking among us are a handful of truly amazing people.  Their lives seem burden free, they are always smiling, not a single hair out of place and when contrasted with ordinary folks like us, well, they are almost angelic.  You know who they are - they are the ones who command attention when they walk into a room, their fashion sense is always cutting edge and they are, as Marilyn Manson called them, the "beautiful people."

Meanwhile, the rest of us just can't seem to help ourselves - we get into trouble regularly, our clothing is less than fashionable, and it is nothing short of a miracle to actually leave the house with our hair looking even moderately presentable.  We make stupid mistakes, we don't know when to shut our mouths and rather than having the world as an oyster, it's more like a banana peel for us to slip and break our necks upon.  We're the average Joe and Judy and we're the ones who make the world go 'round.

There are a few pretty stark differences between the two classes, so, let's take a gander, shall we?

First, we don't possess a pedigree.  No blue bloods among us, we are the working stiffs.  This doesn't mean, of course, we lack any social graces whatsoever, but it does mean that we are not "A" list of guests to the fancy dinner parties at the Country Club.   Our kids are kids and they get bruised up, scratched up and no, they are not perfect little snowflakes to be pampered and coddled.  We like our kids to have a little bit of grit to them because as adults, we know they are going to have to put up with the beautiful people - as well as those who believe themselves to be beautiful.

Second, we react differently to negative stimuli.  For example, the recent news of the beheading of a second American journalist by the terrorist group, Isis, really pisses us off and we're not afraid to admit it.  We're the type of people who would much rather carpet bomb known areas of terrorist occupation and be done with it.  The beautiful people, however, would prefer to wring their hands and struggle over the politically correct approach and it usually entails a bit of "negotiation."  Even after all of the money spent in Iraq, Afghanistan and other parts unknown, the American public is getting fired up again to kick some ass - not talk about ass kicking.  See the difference?

Third, we tend to worry.  Not so much about our revenue stream but we truly fret over the well being of those we love.  When a loved one is sick and disappears off the map for a while, we get concerned, sometimes even frantic with worry.  We know that the love and concern we have for each other cannot be purchased with an American Express Platinum Card, nor can we sit back and appear nonplussed about it.  We worry and you can see it on our faces, in our speech and in our spirit.  We're just not refined enough to hide it.

Fourth, we tend to be far less dogmatic.  Whether it be our religious affections or the fight against GMO's, we hold strong to our beliefs, but don't typically beat people over the head with it.  The beautiful people, however, only associate with the like-minded and they use every means necessary to convert the uninitiated, the little people.  They will use political influence, they will use money, their charm and family connections to do whatever necessary to ensure that their message remains intact regardless of what is happening around them. 

Lastly, we need each other.  Even the greatest introvert among us requires human connections, real meaningful time with loved ones and a circle of friends.  Granted, it may only be a couple times a year, but it is needed.  We need to feel that those within our sphere of influence understands the fact that we're horribly flawed, almost without the possibility of redemption, but ours will always accept us - they may whip our asses, but they are always there.  We feel for one another and there is no high dollar dinner party that could ever replace that feeling.  The beautiful people prefer elegant settings void of real vulnerability.  To them, you see, to show vulnerability is to admit weakness and if you're beautiful, weakness is considered ugliness and there is no way in hell that can be considered acceptable.

I tip my hat to the average folks out there, my brothers and sisters in this struggle we call life.  We make mistakes and often these are really big mistakes that truly change our world and our outlook, but we keep on plugging along, don't we? 

Russell For the Win

Runoff Election Pot Stickers

Oklahoma's 5th Congressional District has been and will be for a very long time a GOP stronghold.  Democrats have not been able to field a candidate with the stroke and resume' to stand up to even the weakest of Republican contenders and that trend is not going to change anytime soon.  The GOP runoff saw Lt. Col. Steve Russell soundly defeat former Edmond Mayor Patrice Douglas, thereby guaranteeing a Republican win in November.  Russell is, was and will continue to be one of the strongest candidates the GOP has presented in the 5th District in at least two decades.  And he is going to absolutely dominate the Democrats in the General Election.

This is not to say that Patrice Douglas isn't a nice person, or someone who attends the right church, wears the right clothes and drives the right automobile.  Her handlers in the runoff made a massive mistake in sending out a mailer that appeared to be an endorsement from the departing James Lankford.  They should have known better, but they did it anyway and if it weren't for that dirty tactic backfiring, Douglas would have had a much more impressive and competitive showing.  Granted, it wasn't a landslide, but it was a decisive victory.

Birthday Baby

Today is my daughter's 17th birthday.  Yesterday, she passed her driver's license test so now, she is a licensed driver and she is now a year older.  She and her brother have been through the wringer over the last few years, and her obtaining her license may be a small victory, but it's one that matters to her and yes, she is absolutely giddy.  Madison is a wonderful young lady, deeply emotional, feeling things at the very core of her being and not afraid to share her emotions - particularly if she's upset about something.  This last year, she transferred with her brother from Bridgereek schools to Norman High School and it was quite the transition - a small intimate classroom environment to a jam-packed monstrosity such as Norman High School has been an interesting challenge for her but she has taken it on and is coming out on top.

She's 17 today and I am immeasurably proud of her for surviving as well as she has given the circumstances she's faced. 

Well, have a wonderful day.