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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Conservative Hotness Wins

Time for some brutal honesty here, my friends.  Conservative candidates are going to be the rage in November and again in 2012 because they are better looking than their opponents.  It doesn't really matter whether or not they can be considered intelligent, able to grasp the real issues facing this country, nor does it matter whether or not they have the ability to complete one or two coherent sentences.  They are hotter and hotness always wins.  The breaks are out, no point in steering.  If we're going down like the Titanic, we might as well have something pretty to look at on the way down...

Lest we forget, John McCain was clearly a more qualified candidate for President, but B-Rock Obama's charm and what some considered to be good looks won the day.  McCain's running mate, Palin, is hotness personified but she wasn't at the top of the ticket and we want the hotness on top in this country.

Even here in Oklahoma, no one would argue that Randy Brogdon was somehow lacking in intellect nor in his grasp of Constitutional issues.  Mary was just hotter.  She wears skirts everywhere she goes, she has a pretty face, a warm and welcoming smile...Randy just looked pissed off.  The hotness quotient overcame Randy and there was no looking back.  It's part of the Oklahoma "vayues."

Now, we look to Delaware where the Tea Party candidate is giving the Republican establishment candidate fits.  Christine O'Donnell is a conservative Tea Party candidate who has championed the cause of hardcore conservatism and a social conservative message that tickles the fancy of the religious community and her smile and attractive features appeal to the rest of the Delaware GOP electorate.  She is much hotter than her opponent - which goes without saying - and he knows it.  The GOP establishment is intensely pissed off about the fact that a candidate with some real experience may be beaten by a hottie who has difficulty putting thoughts together without cue cards.  In Delaware, real experience matters to the GOP.  Not so much in Oklahoma...but I digress.  Christine is adorable, though, and would make a great running mate for Sarah Palin in 2012. 

Speaking of Sarah...she has been endorsing candidates, appearing at $250/per person events with radio/television host Glenn Beck and doing as many Fox News interviews as humanly possible.  Why?  Duh.  She is gearing up for her run for President in 2012 and I, for one, will vote for her in a heartbeat.  I realize that she's not exactly America's brain-trust, but as I mentioned previously, real qualifications for office don't mean squat these days and the electorate are tired of "real issues" anyway.  Never before in the history of this great country have we had a potential candidate for the Oval Office who has legs that could rival Angelina Jolie (yes, I used Palin and Jolie in the same paragraph).  Sarah is approachable, which adds to the hotness factor because in our twisted minds, men tend to relate approachability to opportunity.  She hunts (hot).  She isn't a member of Mensa (hot - see statement on "opportunity").  And she isn't really afraid to speak her mind about what she perceives as evil in the world - red meat for the John Birchers.  And she's from Alaska - the last frontier of the Americas and you know she's rugged and it's cold there, so she probably likes to snuggle.  Who wouldn't want to do some snuggling with Sarah?  I mean, really.  Sarah is, by far, the most attractive person in the Republican Party and it will make her the nominee.  I mean, think about it...Romney is handsome and has a hotness quotient, but he is too polished and that scares us.  Newt is losing his mind and reports are that he doesn't even believe his own hype and Republicans haven't completely checked out intellectually just yet on a national level.  I want Palin/O'Donnell on the ticket in 2012.

Now, we turn to Oklahoma where the hotness factor applies in state races, not Congressional races.  Take the Bold and Beautiful of the statewide races, for example.  Ken Miller and Todd Lamb are polished, handsome and could easily be on the cover of Political GQ Magazine.  They have warm smiles, look good in photographs and have surrounded themselves with hotties in their campaigns as well.  They are the new, the fresh, the young and the attractive of the Oklahoma GOP.  In a debate with his rival Kenneth Corn, Lamb could easily respond to every question with a smile, a wink and say, "Yeah, but I look gooood," and women in the audience would swoon.  Much the same for Ken Miller who has similar charm.  Ken doesn't even really have an opponent - his good looks scared off even Scott Meacham from running for re-election.  Meacham probably came to the realization that the hotness factor would pimp-slap him come November.  It scared him so much that the long time Democrat came out and actually endorsed Miller.  Now that is hotness personified. 

So, that's my take on how the hotness factor comes into play this November and again in 2012.


Note:  There was some sarcasm included in the above blog entry...so, don't take it (or yourself) too seriously.