Freaky Friday Week In Review

This was probably one of the more laid back weeks I've experienced in a very long time.  That doesn't mean I didn't bust my hump on projects that pay far too little, but emotionally, there was an odd sense of understanding that encircled me.  Not to sound like a new age nutbag, but I feel more enlightened - not clear, but more in touch with my surroundings.  I am learning about myself that I have lost all ability to tolerate bullshit.  I just can't do it.  I see my brothers and sisters in arms getting screwed over and forgotten by the very ones they swore an oath to protect, and it makes me nuts.  I see how their pain is unique and hidden from general public.  It's frustrating and I refuse to accept any argument that says the country has done enough for our veterans.

I also learned this week that my new website, www.MyVeteransNews.com is a hit.  People like the no frills, no bullshit approach to advocacy for our veterans.  Check it out for yourselves and give me some feedback.

Political News

This past week in politics has been absolutely insane.  Men and women are jockeying for position, trying to tie up their financial base for 2016, and the pickin's look slim.  Either more of the Bush or Clinton dynasties is what we will be offered up.  I don't even believe that the email-gate with Hillary will be enough to stop her freight train. 

The Oklahoma legislature has again made national headlines for its stupidity and absolute craving to fight against the Constitution.  The bill to approve "conversion therapy" was smacked down, but the bill to allow only clergy to grant marriages received a majority vote in the House.  Yes, you read that right:  A majority vote.  This is yet another one of those bill that will not withstand Constitutional muster and the taxpayers of Oklahoma will foot the bill for appeals.  You know, the God Squad Republicans are always talking about smaller government, but they themselves are costing the government hundreds of thousand dollars that could be better spent elsewhere.

Here's my rant on the current state politics right now:  When the Oklahoma legislature is in session, the true nature of the soul of Oklahoma comes forth.  It shows that we're bigoted, sexist, and a bunch of right wing loonies with nothing better to do with their spare time.  Oklahoma's legislature is the highest paid part time legislature in the country - and these pigs like to give themselves raises.  The truth of the matter is that Oklahoma should have a legislature that meets every two years.  Sadly, that will never happen because for most of our elected douchebags, they have the best jobs thy will ever have again.  It's filthy and disgusting, and unless the taxpayers wake the hell up, these bureaucrats will sit on their expanding asses and do nothing but write stupid bills that draw attention to this single celled amoeba of a state.

Personal News

As much as I hate to admit it, after my health had stabilized for a few weeks, I think I may have taken a turn for the worse.  Now it could just be that I caught a bit of the flu, but I notice that I'm becoming increasingly off-balance - as though my equilibrium has taken a vacation.  And there's the increasing weakness...blargh.   I've been back under the gun of pain management too again.  I still refuse to take pain meds because frankly, they make me even more stupid than I already am.  I take all the meds I am told to, but it seems like they have decided to either hide in my system or just not work any longer.  But, be of good cheer because I know that I've faced a whole lot more than this before and I am not going to let it get the best of me - or any of me for that matter.

Conversely, I've had the opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do.  I wrote a series of eBooks and published them on Amazon.com for download to Kindle.  I decided to start yet another in the series, with two of the main characters and it will be darker, more foreboding than the previous.  Another project I'm working on is a story about my life - I know, who in the hell wants to read that?  Maybe someone will be able to connect, understand and be helped along the way by some of the roadblocks I have met over the years. 

Who knows what the next few months or years will bring?  I don't.  I just hope that it is a lot less bumpy than previous years and that we can finally realize that it's okay to elect politicians who make sense and who are actually right for the jobs they seek.  I also hope that I get to feeling better pretty soon.  Not necessarily for my sake, but for those who have to deal with me.  The anxiety and the pain makes me a dick.

Fair winds and following seas, my friends.

Gorilla

Oops We Did It Again

You can tell when the legislature is in session here in Okieland because the state as a whole, loses its mind.  This last week has been no different and as a matter of fact, the derpage coming from underneath the methane gas filled dome has reached epic proportions.

Between the legislature being a bunch of bigoted self-righteous Pharisees, and the University of Oklahoma fraternity racist sing-along, the state has made national news.  Again.  With each passing day, with each story that is brought to light, we prove to the world that we are in a pickle and there isn't much help coming our way.

Marriage License/Certificate
One legislator wrote a bill that would eliminate marriage licenses, and only allow the clergy to

perform marriages.  It's a knee-jerk to the SCOTUS who has already rendered judgment that bans on same-sex marriages are unconstitutional  This Representative argued that from the beginning, marriage was a "religious covenant," and no one would argue that point.  This IS still a FREE country wherein even atheists are allowed to fall in love, marry, and God forbid, have children together.  How it the hell is it Constitutional to force them to go to one of Oklahoma's preachers (imagine Oral Roberts) to become married.

Representative Todd Russ, R-Cordell, is a religious zealot, trying to create for himself and the rest of the God-squad a simple theocracy in the state of Oklahoma.  He'll fail, of course, and the taxpayers of Oklahoma will be forced to foot the bill for defending this unconstitutional bill and it will not be a cheap tab.  Russ and others in the legislature have initiated a crusade of sorts to force their religious views down the necks of Oklahomans.  Nowhere in the Scriptures is this kind of garbage advocated and if anyone tries to tell you differently, they are idiots who wouldn't understand sound hermeneutics if it jumped up and bit them. 

Racism at OU

Another case where Oklahoma is made to look like a dumping ground for rednecks and intellectually challenged racists has gone completely viral.  A sing along song performed by an OU fraternity was recorded and has hit the Internet with gusto.  OU President David Boren has responded quickly, but not quickly enough to stop the emotional backlash from the rest of the country.  It's sad, it's shameful, and it should not be taking place at ANY institution of higher learning.

Racism is alive and well in Oklahoma.  Back in the days when I had my own outdoor television show (Wild Oklahoma), I was fortunate enough to travel the state and hunt in some of the most remote areas in Oklahoma.  The people were kind, but they suffered from generational racism.  Many of them were making comments that they obviously had no idea what was coming out of their mouths.  Racism is a bad thing no matter how you look at it.  And when it gets national attention, you can bet that Oklahoma is involved somehow.

This behavior has to stop in Oklahoma.  We have to stop electing these pew-jumpers who ignore Jesus' words, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's," and replace them with, "Be the Ceasar and do so with the pride of a Pharisee.  Enough is enough. 

Aren't you sick of this garbage?

Gorilla

Harrison Ford or Wyatt Martin? You Decide

We live in some very, very strange times.  Global warming scares, vaccination nightmares, ammunition bans, the reintroduction of the scarlet letter (against the LGBT community), spring temperatures followed by a foot of ice, and then, there's the stuff that is really messed up.  These certainly are weird and wacky times.

What causes this mania?  Is it more apparent because we have instant news coverage 24/7?  I remember getting into an argument with a gentleman a few years ago about how I believed that the Internet, social media, and the instant access to news and information has isolated us from one another and we haven't the ability any longer to have meaningful community.  He argued that since we have such access, we are able to communicate with people across the globe instantly.  I think my point still stands - video chat and emails are fine, but their not the same as holding someone as they weep and mourn a loss.  Neither is technology in a place where joy can be shared and spread.  I win this argument every time.

I suppose the up side to having instant access to information is that we're notified pretty quickly when elected officials pull their douchebaggery.  But then again, it only serves to piss off most of us with 50 functioning brain cells left.  It's one thing to hear about the idiocy of elected officials through the proverbial grapevine, but when the complete details of their shitheadedness is open for all to see, it's rather embarrassing.  Like in Oklahoma - the state has been the butt of jokes across the nation and we're kind of like that religious zealot cousin who ends up getting caught diddling the neighbor's daughter.  It's humiliating that we allow some of the bullshit that spews from under the dome to flow so freely. 

Then, there's news about Harrison Ford crashing a WWII airplane and being critically injured.  He is an avid pilot, according to news reports, and hailed by his fellow hobbyists with awards and commendations.  I don't mean to be a dick, but let's do the math, shall we?

1.  He's 72 years old.  Not that 72 is old, but it makes you wonder why he was...
2.  Flying a WWII aircraft.  Why?  Not that it really matters, but good heavens.  There are things I cannot do any longer and they have to be sacrificed at the altar of living. 

It doesn't make sense at all.  But, here's a noteworthy story that I promise you haven't heard:

Spc. Wyatt J. Martin, 22 of Mesa, Arizona died December 12, 2014 in Parwan Province, Afghanistan of wounds suffered when the enemy attacked their vehicle with an improvised explosive devise.  The soldiers were assigned to 3rd Engineer Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Calvary Division, Fort Hood, Texas.  Martin joined the Army in August of 2012 and had been assigned to Fort Hood's 2nd Squadron, 3rd Calvary Regiment, 1st Calvary Division, since June of 2014.  He deployed to Afghanistan in June 2014.   (See more here.)

A kid.  50 years younger than a Hollywood star, probably without the star's income level.  He laid down his life for his country and its citizens.  Ford was fucking around in a WWII aircraft.  Martin was deployed to Afghanistan in the same month that Ford broke his leg making a Star Wars movie. 

So you tell me:  Who should be getting the headlines?

We live in a world where we worship Hollywood stars and musicians, but we can't seem to realize that as a nation, we owe our freedoms to men and women like Wyatt Martin.  Martin literally laid down his life for you and me - what is his reward?  Where is his parade? 

Sure, he enlisted, signed up and he knew the risks.  But he was a brave man, doing something that 1% of the population has the balls to do:  Take an oath and stand a post.

It's sad that Harrison Ford was injured and the hope is that he heals and returns to his next movie set unharmed. 

It's more sad, however, that the American people forget about the Wyatt Martins in our midst. 

This is just my opinion, and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it. 

Gorilla

Quit Complaining

Certainly you've heard the saying, "you play the cards you're dealt," and it can easily be applied to emotions, to habits, and even to our own emotional well-being.  One of the places it truly applies (or at least should), is in the political arena.  Multitudes despise the POTUS, others appreciate him or at least don't hate him.  Regardless of which side you fall on, you have to admit that the sour grapes have followed this President from the moment the election results were made official.  I'm not a huge fan of the guy, but it just seems silly how negative people are towards him.

When the left attacked George W. Bush, the GOP wasn't very happy about it and stomped their feet and threw a big hissy fit.  They called it "unfair," and most importantly, "disrespectful to the office of President."  You see, I agree with that.

I served in the United States Navy and I learned very quickly that the Commander In Chief deserves respect because the office warrants respect.  I felt that way when I served, and I have always felt that way.  And the very people who pissed their pants over "W" being insulted are now the ones who are denigrating the office of the President with impunity.

Sure, you can call me a liberal, you can stomp your feet and hold your breath.  I don't care.  If you are insulting the President just for the sake of insulting him, you're an idiot whose gene pool is similar to that found in an Arkansas trailer park. 

There is no need to complain about the President because I blame the GOP for his election - both times.  During the first election, the thought was that Clinton would be running and would walk away with it.  The strategists and overpaid consultants thought that McCain would be the best one to run against Hillary, therefore, the full press was on and millions were spent branding him as the "experienced and mature" choice for the GOP.  Unfortunately, he turned out to be three IQ points above being a completely senile moron and his running mate?  Sarah Palin?  Really?  Dear God in heaven.

During the last Presidential election, we in the GOP went in the direction of cash - yet another result of greedy, asshat consultants who wanted a piece of the massive Romney pie.  So, who did he pick as a running mate?  Paul Ryan.  Who?  Exactly.  Romney's massive wealth combined with his complete inability to connect with the average voter may have made a lot of money for consultants, but the aggregate result was four more years of President Obama.

And the GOP deserved to lose.

In the next election, the GOP will be pushing the mega-bucks star Jeb Bush.  And the GOP will lose again.

The GOP cannot expect to accomplish anything by putting up candidates who are either nuts or rich bastards.  It's insane and the GOP needs to shut the hell up and stop complaining.  This is the GOP's fault, not the "evil liberal Democrats."  All the energy being spent gnashing our teeth at this point is nothing more than political masturbation - it feels good, but produces no results.  It's time to start seriously vetting candidates and stop swallowing the gruel GOP consultants are shoving down our throats.

Of course, this only my opinion and I could be wrong.  But I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

Folks in Oklahoma, Texas, and Arizona don't really care much for snow.  It reminds them, I suppose, that winter is here to stay, forcing thoughts of flip flops and shorts out of the mind.  But there is a peace, a quiet solitude that comes with the snowy weather - even vehicles on the road have their sounds muffled, quieted as though they are paying homage to the fluffy white substance falling from the sky.  It's in those moments of quiet that we have an opportunity to reflect, do some navel-gazing and get to know ourselves a little better.

Or, we can hide from it.

I find the snow falling to be hypnotic.  I'm not really sure why or how it happens, but there is a sense of the divine in how the trees are covered, how the fields are coated, or how the moisture fills the air.  For me, there is a presence of the divine that is unmistakable, encompassing the totality of my being.  I know that sounds a little New Age-y, but there really is nothing like it.

I can recall when I was an avid hunter that I would sit in the blind, or the tree stand watching and waiting.  I have to confess that there were a couple times when deer came by and I let them go just so I could watch them playing or trotting around in the snow.  Hogs, on the other hand never made it - they are just hideous critters and ham is so delicious...  But anyway, the tree stand became a little sanctuary out in the middle of nowhere.  I'm not much of a praying guy, but I remember having plenty of conversations with the Creator when sitting in one of those stands.  It just seemed pure, undefiled.

I can understand, however, why my friends in Oklahoma despise the snow.  It is a complete turn-around what we experience in the summer, and the contrast is dramatically stark.  Driving in the snow here in Oklahoma is difficult too because it's ridiculously obvious that the Oklahoma Department of Transportation is about as screwed up as Congress.  To their credit, the County Commissioners and city governments have it under control - as least in Oklahoma County.

We run across stuff we despise on a regular basis, and more often than not, that thing that makes us want to bite someone's face was put there to show us that yes, it makes us want to bite faces - it forces us to examine ourselves and dig deep for the root cause of such anger and ire.  Well, it does if we want it to.  Sometimes, if feels good to wallow in the anger and rage - even though it's not the right answer.

For me, the solitude can be a scary damned place to be.  I don't really like much of who I am and what I've become, but I own it all.  My failures, my shortcomings, my sins if you will, are all on me and no one else.  That's what the snow can bring to us - that necessary solitude that requires everything and nothing of us.  Introspection sucks, but it's days like this when the pain is worth it.

Of course, I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.


Gorilla

New Leaf, Same Tree

We have all heard the expression, "turning over a new leaf."  I've often wondered what that truly means.  How does one actually turn over a new leaf as opposed to an old leaf?  Wouldn't it make more sense if one turns over an old leaf?  Those questions and plenty more reverberate through what's left of my magnificently simple mind these days.  I mean, seriously.  What the hell is that platitude all about?  It signifies something that is unattainable, elusive, and taunting.  There may be new leaves, but guess what?  It's the same damned tree.

I've very recently undergone a little bit of change myself.  Month after month I've experienced excruciating physical pain on virtually a daily basis.  I've had my medication switched, added to, increased, and juggled like bowling pins at a circus until I'm at the point where I have to keep a spreadsheet to remind myself what to take and when.  I had hoped that someday, I would see the clouds parting, the sun shining down on my face, and manna from heaven would fall on me and I would be pain free and happy.  I quickly realized that I was full of crap. Those things happen in the storybooks, but even Christ himself pointed out how difficult life would be and is. 

Then, my brain just kind of snapped. 

I can tell you when, how, or why it happened, but that doesn't really matter, it just did.  Part of who I am simply shut off with no warning, no signs of what was to come.  On one hand, the feeling was sad, deeply depressing and bolstered with unadulterated rage.  On the other hand, it was miraculously freeing.  It felt as though a big bag of bricks were taken off of my back, that the load was a little lighter.  Things that were out of focus before, became crystal clear.  That which was clear, became blurry and less important than they were previously.  The things in my life that I truly need were apparent for the first time in decades, and the emotional vampires in my life just had to go.

I've been told by the handful of close friends who really know me that I've become darker, less patient, and more intensely determined. It's really not the case.  It's true that I am more determined but that darkness they are seeing is merely a zero tolerance policy for people in my life who have attempted to suck the very soul out of me.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, I've come to the realization that there are no happy endings in this roller coaster ride we call life, so if you want to call that "darker," have at it.  Reality is that all life ends the same way - death.  The romance portrayed in the movies is nothing more than the wild imaginations of estrogen-charged men and women who have more time on their hands than they do sense.  They entice us with the visages of what happiness is supposed to look like, create a story line around their fantasy, and then the consumers are asks to devour it like a starving man at a Chinese buffet.  They hide from us the fact that love is always imperfect because it is perpetrated by imperfect creatures.

Love is patient?  Bullshit.  If you've ever loved anyone, you know that there is never perfect patience.  There is only ONE love that is entirely patient.

Love is kind?  Poppycock.  Love is a demanding, overbearing landlord who was set up camp at the gates of our truly black hearts.  This landlord is mean and cruel and the master of deception.  We often hurt those we love, and that's not really kind, is it? 

Love does not envy?  We are human beings with a hardwired sense of desire for more.  We all envy every day.   One of the "big ten" is all about not coveting what is not ours.  Guess what?  If humans weren't designed with this fatal flaw, the Commandments need not have been written, and a few thousand years later, the crucifixion would have been for not.

Love does not boast?  Seriously?  Look at the pabulum spewed all over social media by people who are supposedly in love, but secretly, they are looking over the others' shoulder for something or someone better.  The facade, the act is quite convincing but to say that love does not boast is like saying politicians don't lie.  If you find truly unconditional love, grab it.  It's very uncommon.

Love is not proud?  God have mercy.  "Look at my wedding dresss."  Or, "Look at how beautiful my wife is."  Or, "My wonderful wife bought me this or that." Love is the ultimate act of pride because your bullshit proudly meshes with someone else's bullshit, and the aggregate result is a molotov cocktail of over inflated egos.  Just be honest about it for a change.  You know that there is truth to what I am saying.

It's all bullshit and the sooner you realize it, the better off you will be.  It took me 50 years on this planet to realize it, I don't plan to waste time like I have.  Take now for right now.  Embrace it.  Cherish it.  Let the warmth of this moment right now consume you, because that shit doesn't last very long.  Forget "turning over a new leaf," embrace the whole totality of the tree in the here and now.  We are finite creatures, separated from the rest of the primates by the ability to use cutlery and our penchant to screw each other over.  That's life and you better like it as it is or you will find yourself hurting, aching, longing for something that was never yours in the first place and never would be.  The impossibilities are limitless and are all encompassing.  In this case, losing is winning and winning is losing. 

Don't get me wrong; we still have to smile our little smiles to the outside world, regurgitate the platitudes of contemporary culture just so we can fit in and go unnoticed.  The ones who can see the real you are the fortunate few within your clan who share common interests and have reached the same stage of enlightenment. These are the people with whom we should spend time.  They are people who understand us and are willing to take us flaws and all. 

There are a few exceptions to my observations, but they are as rare as an honest televangelist. Life is short.  Don't waste it on people who would just as soon kiss you goodbye as they would visit you in the hospital. 

Of course, this is just my opinion and I could be wrong.  But not this time.  Welcome to the new and improved 400lb Gorilla of Oklahoma Media.

Gorilla

One With Friday the 13th

Black cats, omens, and that scary crap from the movies are all part of the lore that is Friday the 13th.  It's particularly funky when it falls before Valentine's Day like it does today.  There are plenty of people out there who are all freaked out about Valentine's Day this year, primarily because 50 Shades of Grey came out and it is just the most horrible thing since Pepsi Clear.  Fear of both Friday the 13th and fear of 50 Shades are equally goofy and should be laughed at.  The people freaking out about the two are more scary to me than any specter that the two may represent.

We're a superstitious lot, aren't we?

If we really want some things to be afraid of this Friday the 13th, here is a list.

1.  Stupid legislation coming from underneath the methane gas filled dome.  Representative Sally Kern (R- Ridiculous) pulled her frighteningly unconstitutional bills, but sure enough, the douchebaggery continued and someone else authored similar bills. When we don't conquer our fears, they begin to own us.  That's exactly what's happening with this new breed of moral police.  Their mindset is such that they believe theirs is the most important mission on earth and if you disagree, may you be anathema!  That's the kind of stuff Jim Jones and David Koresh were made of.  THAT should scare the hell out of you.

2.  The decrease of affordable housing in this country.  It's reached the point where the decline of affordable housing could become an epidemic.  Housing that was built 40 years ago using HUD loans are being paid off right now and since there are no tenancy requirements, the rent is being jacked up to rid them of the working poor.  It's like a housing genocide.  Pushing "those" people further and further away from the mainstream of society. 

3.  Health care.  It's expensive, owned and operated by insurance and pharmaceutical companies and there is no relief in sight.  The poor and working poor are largely screwed by the current system and that's just the way it's going to be.

4.  Islamic terror.  I don't care if you get offended or not, I'm here to tell you that Islamic terrorism is real and it is a real threat to the world.  If you don't believe that, do us all a favor and don't breed.  As a matter of fact, get a vasectomy or hysterectomy to make sure that your gene pool stays shallow.  Whether you watch the Fox News Channel or PBS, terrorism is a serious threat.

5.  Veteran suicide.  This is a problem that must be dealt with and not brushed under the carpet any longer.   The numbers are becoming ludicrous and so few are really paying attention, that the tragedy only expands.  The men and women who stand or stood a post so we could love and embrace the freedoms we enjoy deserve more than a cursory glance or platitude.

6.  Teen suicide.  Bullies are everywhere and our kids will experience bullying not only school, but in adulthood as well.  We have to prepare our children more effectively, helping to fully comprehend that they have value and a voice.  We have to toughen them up a little to deal with the asshat bullies.  On the other hands, the parents of bullies who allow it to happen should be dealt with quickly and severely.  No more children should die needlessly under our watch.

There are just a few things that truly should scare the shit out of us.  We can become one with Friday the 13th, just like every other day and make it subject to us.  We are not slaves to time and space, but rather we use it to fulfill ours and others' lives.

Of course, I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

 

I Can See Clearly Now

Sometimes, things just don't make sense.  A child is killed in an automobile accident by a drunk driver, but the drunk driver survives.  What the hell is that?  A legislator acts as though he was present when Moses received the tablets, but is caught hiring prostitutes.  Seriously?  Then, of course, there's the O.J. Simpson trial outcome.  What the hell happened to those jurors?  That kind of stuff just boggles the mind, or at least it gives me a headache trying to figure it out.

My zealous Christian friends will chalk it up to God's mysterious ways, or that He is not to be second-guessed.  They feel as though there is no reason to question these types of events for to do so would be tantamount to blasphemy.  That's just poppycock. Sure, the Scriptures teach that we're not to doubt, but at the same time, it's not like we can't ask legitimate questions about such shenanigans.  Even David, the man after God's own heart, asked the question in Psalm 94, "How long shall the wicked, O LORD, How long shall the wicked exult?"  See?  David asks, doesn't he?

For a long time, these types of questions, these scenarios blinded and baffled me.  But I think I can see now.  

There is good and evil in this world and each human being possesses a piece of both.  And I'm not talking about some bullshit duality of man psychobabble.  I'm talking about hardcore darkness and extreme light existing in the same creature.  Even the most pious struggle with that dark, frightening specter of evil that lurks between their ears.  The existence of that darkness in its entirety scares the hell out of people, so, their response is to become hyper-critical to those who aren't withing the tiny keyhole of there world view.  Conversely, for some who live in nothing but darkness, I'm convinced that it takes nothing short of the miraculous to break through that veil and let the light out.  

I've come to believe that for every unexplainable event, there was something that caused it.  Things don't

happen in a vacuum, I don't believe, and I don't believe in abject random chance anymore either.  I do, however, believe in miracles, but they are exceptionally rare.  If they do take place, we would never know about them.  I believe in angels and demons, God and the devil, but I've come to see that it is rare when divine intervention takes place. Prayers - real prayers - are also rarely answered.  The old axiom that "God answers prayer in three ways; yes, no, and wait a while," is balderdash.  God does answer prayers, but not all prayers.  Some prayers are so selfish, so incredibly asinine that God is just not going to pay attention.  

Now, in terms of the devil, I find it laughable how easy it is for people to attribute calamity to him when they themselves are responsible.  Another point is that the devil isn't omnipresent.  He can't be in two places at once, so when sister Betty from Detroit proclaims that the devil is terrorizing her at the same time as brother Bubba in Arkansas, one or both of them are full of malarkey.  Don't get me wrong; the devil is a powerful bugger, but he drags his chains with him wherever he goes.  

You see, even when things don't make sense, they kind of do.  Fear, joy, anger, and love are emotions felt by just about every human being on the planet and yes, sometimes we experience more than one emotion at the same time.  I look around and I see what I've done in my lifetime and the aggregate results were contingent upon which path I chose; that of light or that of darkness and to be honest, I've followed the dark path far too many times.

Of course, I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Saturday Surprises

This has been a fascinating week.  I was able to get quite a bit accomplished in spite of how some of the new meds I'm on just suck much of the life plum out of me.  Of course, there's always the trusty coffee to offset it.  I love my coffee...but I digress.  I thought I'd share some of the silliness that happened to me this week with you! 

Neighbors
I have some interesting neighbors.  I ran into one of them on the way to taking the trash out to the dumpster and he noticed that I was wearing my Black Label Society beanie and apparently, he is a big fan as well.  Very nice gentleman and from the looks of the guy, life has been rough.  Probably in his late thirties or early forties, he has a tired look behind his eyes.  I understand that gaze, I've been guilty of it myself.  We chatted for a few minutes about some of the concerts coming to town and apparently, we have a lot in common.  At least where music tastes are concerned.  Maybe next time I run into the guy, we'll talk some football.  In the meantime, we hide in our own little worlds, pretending all is well.

I have another set of neighbors and for the life of me, I just can't even begin to estimate how many people actually live there.  I know there is a toddler because I can hear the little bugger screaming her head off as soon as she wakes up.  Which is sometime around 3am.  Bless her little pea-picking heart.  Her mom lives there as well, and maybe the father as well.  I know this because starting at around 11pm, they all hang outside talking and smoking cigarettes.  It's special to hear them jibber jabbering into the night.  Their conversations, however, aren't exactly intellectually stimulating.  Unless you're a 15 year old girl.  Boyfriend this, girlfriend that.  It's hard to keep up because only around 2/3 of the time, they are loud enough for the everyone around to hear.  But I'm sure they're nice.

Diagnosis
I always thought that when receiving a diagnosis from a doctor, they typically called on the phone and explained stuff to you.  Or at least there used to be nurses available to explain those massive words that sound like one giant vowel movement.  I looked it up, had a friend with a background in medical terminology research it, and then finally, I kinda sorta understood.  Yeah.  And it is just one more damned thing.  I do have to admit that I have been thankful for receiving care at the VA.  While the VA doesn't have the greatest reputation in the world, but I'll say that a few of my docs are absolutely amazing. 

Writing

I had always wanted to write some short stories, a couple books and sure enough, I've done it.  I wrote a series of books that are rather dark, but are a fun read.  The Absolution for the Average Joe series follows a man named Samuel whose life is turned upside down by a chance meeting at a convenience store.  The series of events that follow end up consuming Samuel, and he loves every second of it.  It was a blast to write and I look forward to writing a few more.

I'm also doing some freelance ghostwriting and that has been an interesting endeavor.  I've written on topics ranging from advanced survival techniques to mason jar gifts to Tantric sex.  Doesn't really pay a lot, but it sure as hell has been therapeutic.  When I write, I can just kind of get lost in the topic, learn different angles and perspectives.  Admittedly, I'm a marginally talented writer who tries to find humor in just about everything, but, it's better than some of the crap I've seen out there in newspapers, magazines and even on various blogs.  I love it.

This next week will be as exciting as this past one was, I pray. 

Gorilla

Seriously, Mr. President?

Over the last few years since President Obama was elected, I've tried my level best to be fair.  I've not disparaged his name, have been respectful to the office of President because that's what veterans do.  We understand chain of command and the office of President is at the top of the food chain.  Yet, some of the President's most recent comments about Islamic terrorism is so ridiculous as to cause the listener to lose IQ points just by listening.  It's time to stop and speak up.

First, ISIS is a radical Muslim group of dirtbags who are terrorists.  Period.  They aren't just misunderstood schoolchildren whose Mommy didn't pay enough attention to.  They are fear-mongering bottom feeders who need to be exterminated with prejudice.  The President needs to get that and he needs to understand that the American people are pissed off and nervous about those bastards.

Second, the Crusades were, admittedly pretty darned bad.  However, remember that the first crusade was designed to do what?  To remove Islamic terrorists from Jerusalem and recover it for the Jewish inhabitants.  Read some history, Mr. President.  The rest of the crusades were too much and unnecessary.  In no way, however, is it to be used to justify what radical Islam is doing to people all over the globe.  Enough is enough, Mr. President.

Third, it is true that the President has mentioned "push-back" against terrorists.  Personally, I don't think that the language is strong enough.

It's easy to forget what happened when those planes crashed into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and that Pennsylvania field.  It's not in our faces every day, it's not something that comes to mind while we're at the grocery store or at Best Buy snagging that wide screen television to get ready for baseball season.  Americans died a needless death that day and it was at the hands of radical Muslims.  And when we bagged Osama, that was just the tip of the iceberg.  There are hundreds more of these parasites out there right now.

The conventional wisdom is that since there were the horrid crimes of the crusades, the crimes of radical Islam are excused.  When most Christians hear the argument about the crusades, immediately heads are bowed in shame.  That's not the same when radical Islam murders the innocent - it's almost as though it's a point of pride.  It's as though they feel it is just recompense. 

Look, I don't care if the President is Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, or a Scientologist.  Religion and politics is a point of douchebaggery anyway. The so-called Christian elected officials are pushing their agenda to create a different, discriminatory set of rules to label the LGBT community as "unclean!"  Both extremes are ludicrous and people suffer as a result. 

It's time to stop the madness, but it's doubtful that it will stop anytime soon.

Of course, that's just my opinion and I could be wrong...but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla

Interesting Stuff Under the Methane Gas Filled Dome

There can be no question that I am, at best, cynical where legislation in the state of Oklahoma is concerned.  From the asinine "cock boxing" bill (remember that one?), to the latest round of unconstitutional tripe that Sally Kern tried to push down our throats, it's a big exercise in legislative masturbation - it may feel good, but it just doesn't provide any results.  My cynicism is often well-placed and damned well deserved, but every now and again, there are bills that pique my interest and what's even more fascinating is that these morsels of good legislation actually have push back from the status quo.

State Senator Kyle Loveless and I have worked together on a few projects in the past and I've always really considered him to be a straight shooter.  He doesn't have an agenda, but rather just wants to do the right thing.  He's penned three bills that I think you should consider and contact your state legislator and get him/her off their asses to support these bills.

SB 264-  If a vet is not happy with a VA home they are in, they will get a debit card that their funds that the state would give them go to a private long term housing - retirement home. 
Someone please explain to me why in the hell this would be considered a bad bill.  It isn't - it finally puts some power back into the hands of our veterans and takes it away from the governmental slum lords that have been these VA homes in the past. 

SB 588- Basically the oversight board over the ODVA is the Veterans War Commission- an unelected body that is responsible for the health and care of  vets that we are duty bound to take care of in our VA homes.   The goal is to streamline those responsible make the War Commission an advisory board only and give the ability to hire and fire and oversee the VA homes - to the governors sec of veterans affairs.
There is push back on this one and you can see why.  Whenever there is a bill that takes power from the people who have been screwing up for decades and provide real, tangible oversight, the old guard gets pissed off and has a hissy fit.  The reality is that this type of bill SHOULD be passed and it should become the law of the land.  There's definite blowback on this one, but if our veterans were being taken care of properly, a bill like this wouldn't be necessary, now would it?

SB 422- On the federal, level government contracts are required to maintain a percentage to qualified veteran-owned businesses.  This bill creates a state government contract preference for veteran owned businesses.
Wow.  Just, wow.  What in the hell is wrong with that?  I could see the Libertarians pissing themselves over the fact that anyone would get preferential treatment of any kind, but if they pulled their noses out of Ayn Rand's ass long enough to see the reality of what we're dealing with here, they would just shut up and deal with it.  I hate to say it, but the truth of the matter is that there are point preferences for government jobs as it is now - like when you take the postal exam, if you're a veteran, you receive additional points.  As Ronald Reagan said, "Sometimes, it's just the right thing to do."  This bill is the right thing to do.

I make no pretense that I'm a veteran who has been, and still is, under the care of the VAMC.  Sometimes the experiences are marvelous, sometimes they are like a trip through Dante's Inferno.  The increase of veterans who are eligible for VA care now has not been funded - just more patients for an already overburdened health care staff. 

Whomever is responsible for holding up these bills should be ashamed of themselves.  Finally, we see a breakthrough for veteran's care, but some asshat is holding it up because change is scary to him/her.  Sometimes, change is bloody necessary to get the job done.

Get involved and click here to reach your legislator.

Hat-tip to Senator Loveless.  It's good to see that at least one State Senator has entered the methane gas filled dome with his balls intact. 

Gorilla

Sunday Night Lights

Well, my Seahawks blew it at the end of the game by calling a pass rather than giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch to run it up the middle for the game-winning score.  Wilson was intercepted and, as you all know by now, the Patriots are now Super Bowl Champions or the fourth time.  Now all the jokes will be coming about, calling the Seahawks "one hit wonders" - the problem with that analogy is that the reality of the situation is that they played a good game and will be back.  Congrats to the New England Patriots and their fan base because they deserve the win.

Revelation:  Had a bit of a revelation this weekend and it startled quite a few people apparently.  I wrote a blog about a suicide by going through a journal of events leading up to the suicide.  A few people thought that I was talking of myself, that I may be suicidal.  They contacted me, expressed their thoughts and concerns and it was quite moving.  Then the revelation slapped me in the face:  One can never have too many of the right kind of friends.  As ridiculous as that may sound, it's the truth.  And there should be a couple of people in our lives to whom we hold ourselves accountable.  I don't mean babysitting our silly asses, but rather people who know us intimately, not ashamed of you and want to be a part of your life.  It's a big deal.  It really is.

Oh, look at the shiny thing:  I also learned this weekend that there are desires we have that seem to consume us at times.  It could be the cravings for more money, more sex, and even more attention.  Often, these desires and cravings are perfectly normal, absolutely healthy.  Other times, they are just wicked distractions that take us off the beaten path of our destiny.  Personally, I've been like a 230lb Chihuahua; nervous, anxious, quick to bark and even snap sometimes.  The small critters are easily distracted by any little shiny thing that crosses their paths.  I too am like that, easily taken off course, frustrated with by the littlest of things, and unfortunately, prone to forgetting what really matters at times.  I've spent way too much time in my life searching my past for solutions to today's problems.  I'm a big, dumb animal folks.

The dumb stuff:  Okay, so my stomach has been bothering me and often, eating hearty foods makes me sicker and the pain increased.  So what did I do Saturday evening?  I made a pan of pasta with Italian sausage and topped with about a pound of mozzarella cheese.  Brilliant move, I tell you.  To be honest, I actually forgot that I was not supposed to eat that type of crap but once I got started cooking, I lost my damned mind.   That was pretty dumb even for me.

What the week may bring:  First, we'll be hearing from hungover Patriot fans, letting us know that their team is the greatest thing since perforated toilet tissue.  Of course if my Seahawks would have won, I'd be one of those annoying, loud mouthed bastards as well.  Second, the unknown variable in our lives.  That one thing that will happen to each of us that will either piss us off royally, or tickle us to the point of almost piddling in our britches.  Either way, that unknown variable is what truly separates us from the rest of the primates - that and the ability to use cutlery.  It's in those exciting, unforeseen moments that make us truly human and if we have our eyes fully open, we will be sensitive to those around us struggling with their unknown variable. 

So, let's gather together this week in one mind and spirit to be servants of one another.  Let's try and be kind to someone whom we would normally want to gut like a fish and eat their entrails.  It won't be easy, but it is completely attainable.  Good luck!

Gorilla

Diary of His Last Day

7:30am:  I couldn't sleep again last night.  The nightmares coupled with the physical pain has been unbearable for the last few months, but I only need a few more hours and then, it will be handled.  The coffee is brewing, it shouldn't be long before I can get my morning dose of miraculous.  The smell of freshly brewed coffee is unlike anything else and it has brought me many mornings of enjoyment.  Today, I'm just not feeling it.

8:45am:  I sat out on the balcony and had my coffee and it was delicious, the sunshine was a welcomed change, that's for certain.  The weather can be so frustrating - one minute it's cold, the next it's like living under an earth-sized hair dryer.  Anyway, time to get ready.

9:25am:   The pain has really started to intensify.  The pain medications have stopped working weeks ago and with each passing day, the pain is increasingly intense.  I'm glad that the kids haven't seen me in this condition.  They saw me in the hospital once, and that was enough.  They were scared, frightened, and unsure of just what was going on.  I have caused enough pain in their lives and I have no desire to add to the pain.  They are wonderful kids - all of them.  I can't go on being a source of anguish for them.  Just can't do it any longer.

11:00am:  I made my calls to those whom I love.  Some were excited to hear from me, the rest were rather disinterested in a simple conversation.  It hurt, but it's what I've grown used to.  When you're sick, you see, no one really wants to be around you - as though your pain will be transferred to them like in a sci-fi flick.  These were people whom I thought really gave a shit about me and my feelings.  I don't get it and maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me to understand.  They enjoyed me as long as I was entertaining, interesting.  But when I became ill and the prognosis was scary, I became a persona non grata.  And that's okay too.

12:13pm:  The time is drawing near and the closer it gets, the more at peace I feel.  My Catholic friends will consider this a mortal sin.  For my Protestant friends, they'll just pray that I made it to the happy side of the abyss.  The rest of my friends probably will miss me the most.  They knew me intimately, and they cared of their own free will - not because of some obligatory religious edict.  Man, I've dealt with my share of so-called Christians and they only understand the most rudimentary aspects of what current culture has decided is fundamental.  Oh, well.  I sure as hell won't be changing anyone's opinions - I've tried that and it just didn't work.  I vomited blood again and it's getting worse and more disgusting.  Blood is supposed to be on the inside of the body, not the outside.

1:46pm:  Why didn't they understand what I have been going through?  I reached out to them, asked if they were too busy to visit once in a while, and apparently they were.  I had a couple friends who stuck with me through this, but one abandoned me when it got rough - apparently there is no such thing as "unconditional love" any longer.  There's always an agenda. It's one of those "I love you IF" circumstances.  "I love you IF you behave in a manner of my choosing."  It's immeasurably fucked up and yeah, I suppose I have pulled that shit too.  But it doesn't make it right.  

3:00pm:  It's time.  Everything is ready, I've made my final telephone calls, I've even posted some niceties to be remembered by that will make my so-called friends feel good about themselves.  Some will say I took the coward's way out.  To them, I ask:  When is the last time you were in such pain that you couldn't talk?  Have you ever been so sick that even a simple cough will cause you to shit your pants?  Have you ever stared down the barrel of a firearm and knew that it would take your life?  Exactly.  Of course you haven't.  So, don't you dare judge me because if I do come back, I'll haunt the hell out of you.  I just can't take the pain of being sick and the emotional trauma that comes along with being sick - that sense of loneliness.  I know there will be others after me who experience the same.  My hope is that they are not left alone; whether they deserve it or not.  I've spent my last few days alone except for the occasional text message or social media message.  No one else should have to deal with that.

To My Kids:  I love you.  You all made my heart sing out when you were born.  Your lives are a testament to just how amazing life can be.  You've grown into your own and I'm proud of each of you.  Don't listen to the naysayers - remember that I love you and I carried your love for me to the other side.

I leave you all with four words:  I tried, I failed.  

They found his lifeless body sprawled out in her living room.  What was left of his head was scattered all over the floor, the pistol still in one hand, his diary in his other hand.  His friends and family mourned him, even missed him.  It wasn't long before they regretted not spending time with him, sharing life experiences.  But that's just the way it goes in the contemporary Facebook society.

I've read a great deal about warning signs about suicide and the diary above really underscores the fact that we have little time on this earth and that time should be spent wisely.  The fulfillment of our human existence is when we connect with other humans, sharing love and time with one another.  Don't pretend that the distressed is "someone else's problem."  It's your problem too.  If we all take on the responsibility of caring for one another - truly caring, the problem of suicide fades away.  It's true that we can't completely eliminate suicide, but we can knock a hole in it.

Gorilla

Weekend Prepper

What a wicked week it has been.  The third volume in my book series, Absolution for the Average Joe, was released for Kindle this week.  Still no results from the VA for the biopsies they took, and of course, that always brings the stress level to a minimum. Stomach is still upset as hell since the procedure and worse than before I went in (figures) I finally figured out how to use Instagram - quite the feat, I might add.  So, as you can see, it was an interesting week. 

Let's look at what the weekend may bring:

Seahawks Super Bowl Championship Part II:  My Seattle Seahawks are matched up against the New England Patriots and it looks to be a great game - though the Seahawks will pull off another win.  That will make back-to-back Super Bowl Championships and I will be a happy little camper.  The Patriots are a good team and they are picked to win the big game by just about every sports pontification available.  And the Seahawks love to be underdogs.  Remember the Green Bay NFC Championship?  Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch brought the team back from a big deficit in the fourth quarter with only 3 minutes left on the clock.  Yeah.  This is going to be one hell of a game.

New On Netflix:  The ultimate creator of the couch potato, Netflix continues to blow the doors off of every other subscription-based entertainment source.  I've had the chance to watch Breaking Bad twice now, Sons of Anarchy (waiting for the last season to be released), and there's Lost, of course - if you can keep from becoming lost. One of Netflix original badass series is House of Cards featuring Kevin Spacey who is amazing in this series.  The controversial movie, The Interview, is on Netflix already.  No doubt because of the whole hacking debacle.  Then there's Footloose, Fried Green Tomatoes, Mystic River (put this on your MUST see list), and comedies like Mr. Mom, and Swingers.  If the weather is too chilly or you're just waiting for Super Bowl Sunday, some time in front of the tube wouldn't be a bad thing.

SCOTUS Contemplation:  Mitt Romney announced that he would not, in fact, run for president in 2016.  Certainly there were people who were shocked and relieved to hear that but now, the GOP has to figure out who the next nominee will be.  Jeb Bush looks to be the frontrunner, Christie a close second.  The country is not ready for another Bush in office, though this Bush Boy seems to be a little more moderate than than the rest of his family who has sat in the Oval Office. This weekend, give some thought to the best match-ups.  If Jeb faces Hillary, it might be an interesting race because the voters will have to decide between contributing to either the Bush legacy or the Clinton legacy.

Give a Visit:  I've mentioned this plenty in other posts, but there's a real need for men and women to reach out to one another.  Life is hard and for some, it's exceedingly difficult.  Take some time our of your day to visit someone or to at least call.  Forget emails, text message, or Facebook messages.  See them in person and hug their neck.  That little gesture could serve to brighten their day and maybe keep them from the brink of the abyss.

There's a lot to do this weekend if you're interested in doing something.  Whatever it is, do some good.

Gorilla

Impending Doom

The sense of impending doom is what makes many movies so delicious - the anticipation of something horrible about to happen sucks us in and we begin to physically manifest our anticipation.  Our palms get sweaty, the adrenaline begins to rush, our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shorter, and our pupils dilate.  These are not voluntary physical manifestations, but rather are an involuntary response to the potential of bad things about to happen.  Maybe it's our bodies warning us to get the hell out of where we are.

Politicians use that sense of doom and gloom every single day to get us to vote for them or to frighten constituents into believing that if we don't believe in the tripe they're spewing, we're going to be destroyed.  In other words, they hype up their fantasies in order to scare the hell out of us.

Nowhere is their a more apt illustration than some of the ridiculous bills that are being introduced in the Oklahoma legislature.  They are beyond preposterous, and the argument of the elected official is that the "gay agenda" is potentially ruining the country.  Ever more so, a bill to actually fire judges, clerks and the like who approve of and perform in any way something that even looks like gay marriage.  Really?  Really.  At one point in this legislator's career she talked publicly about how homosexuality is, in her opinion, more dangerous than terrorism.  Really.  It's true. 

She has no less than three bills this session that is supposedly going to protect traditional marriage.  If pastors like Kern's husband were doing their jobs ministering to those who need it rather than making up these stupid laws, she would see a change.

This legislator obviously doesn't get it, and it's probably not her fault.  She has surrounded herself with the "Amen Chorus," who agree with everything she says - as nuts as it may sound.  If this legislator truly wants to protect traditional marriage, maybe distracting the proponents therein with specious arguments might help a little.  For example, when the offense of a football team takes the field, their primary concern is to execute their plays accurately and get down the field to score.  They aren't bogged down by worrying about what their opponent may or may not be thinking.  It's stupidity personified to do so.

The Governor of Oklahoma announced that agencies may be facing some budget cuts because of the so-called "budget shortfall."  It is a reasonable request - IF the budget was actually crafted predicated on real income rather than projected income.  But that would be asking too much.  In the interim, stay scared, people.  The end is near.

People use fear every day to get what they want from others and politics is just the tip of the iceberg.  Capitalizing on fear has become a sacrament to some people - in relationships, for example:  A couple is talking about divorce, but the wife doesn't want it.  She points out to him that everything he has ever owned, everything he has ever desired or will maybe acquire in the future, will be hers.  She is playing on the fear of what most men experience in break-ups with most women.  It's all about revenge, perceived recompense, and it's a display of anger and rage.  It's tragic, but what is even worse is that we allow that shit to be pushed in our faces.

It's time for all of us to just stop.  It will be difficult, a struggle every day, but not thinking about the supposed end of the world at every turn will ease some stress.  At least I think so.

It's just my opinion and I could be wrong - but I seriously doubt it.

Gorilla